I will soon be registering with ASUU to start a new club promoting more respect and understanding for people like me who choose to wash their hair in the toilet.

Allow me to explain myself.

As a youth in public schools, I was frequently held upside-down by bullies and forced to hold my breath while dunked in toilets. Now that those bullies are no longer allowed to harass me like that, I have chosen to disarm the offense and humiliation by choosing to do it to myself.

There are many benefits to dunking one’s self in a toilet. For starters, few sinks are large enough to wash one’s entire head of hair in. Sinks usually require one to bend over, making it likely that at least some water and suds will get on the back of one’s shirt or blouse. Tilting the head completely upside-down eliminates dripping. Lastly, flushing the toilet provides a soothing rinse.

I was motivated to start my club after hearing criticisms of Ariel Levy’s book Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture. Critics say that Levy misunderstands the reasons women want to dress like porn stars. Now that feminist activists have succeeded in suppressing male chauvinism, they say, women are free to choose to be sexy, free to display their bodies with confidence and free to choose to be sexual objects.

I was also inspired to apply for ASUU funding this week after hearing criticisms of Paul Mooney and Jesse Jackson asking all people to quit using the “N” word. Defenders of the “N” word say that African-Americans showed ingenuity in taking the most offensive term used by their oppressors and making it their own. Today the “N” word belongs to the people it refers to, the defenders say, and they may use it however they wish. This weapon of a word was hijacked, redefined and turned around to be the friendly jargon of the African-American dialect.

I agree that offensive ideas should be embraced and brought home. If you succeed in getting people to stop shoving your face in feces for centuries, the thing to do is make it your new nighttime face cream.

That’s why I am proud to wash my hair in public toilets. I want people to understand that it’s not only okay when I do it to myself, but should be applauded because I demonstrate my freedom and creativity as I do it.