The Anti-Establishment Guide to Spring Break

By By Adam Fifield and By Adam Fifield

By Adam Fifield

Visions of whirling slot machines and Phoenix cacti are already filling the heads of the U’s student body, fed up with that abhorred midterm funk.

Unfortunately, many of you may not be cranking the slots while alternating between Jameson shots and clove cigarettes in Wendover come next week. You might not be urinating into a cactus outside a Phoenix dive bar after 2 a.m. (while still ordering drinks).

Luckily, Salt Lake City offers many opportunities for debauchery and escape, so at least you won’t have to be anywhere near this God-forsaken campus. Go get a tattoo, see a metal band or mix a large tub of sangria if you have to-just forget all about the establishment on the hill. Here are a few ways to do so:

First stop: Burt’s Tiki Lounge

Blend your spirits with rock and roll with this far-from-mainstream venue that truly lives up to its dive-bar status. Indeed, Burt’s Tiki Lounge, located on 726 S. and State Street, often boasts of its rating as one of the top 10 dive bars in the country. Make a day of it by setting up an appointment to get a tattoo next door at Big Deluxe, one of the many fine tattoo parlors that dot State Street.

Burt’s hosts live music six nights a week with an emphasis on the weird and demented. It’s a good idea to kick off Spring Break on Friday night with Devilock, a tribute to The Misfits. You’ll also be able to enjoy some surf-rock with local opening band The Boomsticks.

Of course, I recommend Burt’s any night of the week because one can always count on being exposed to some pretty far-out music. Also, go ahead and give the “Cerebral Assassin” a try (Jger mixed with Wild Turkey and Red Bull). Sounds like a cool band name, too.

Next stop: The Spiral Jetty

In an undergrad art-appreciation class, fine art can sometimes feel confined to the reproduction of the smiling “Mona Lisa” or bright “Sunflowers” on the pages of an expensive textbook. However, three credit hours of art appreciation do nothing to prepare you for the earthy and corroded sculpture that is the Spiral Jetty on the northeast shore of the Great Salt Lake.

Robert Smithson’s great earthworks sculpture was constructed in the ’70s, submerged by the lake in the ’90s and is now back for display. The Jetty coils out into the lake, evoking images of seashells, pubes and clichés of the cycle of life. Just be sure to avoid any educational resonances to any actual courses you might have taken-the sculpture really stands alone without demanding interpretation. For all the complicated driving instructions, just Google it, b****.

Last stop: Ken Sanders Rare Books

I’ll admit this is dangerously close to academia, but there’s a good argument for going to Ken Sanders Rare Books besides its status as an alternate to the grand textbook robbery at the university’s bookstore.

All you have to do is smell the books at Ken Sanders to ease yourself into a peaceful lull. I bought a book of Anne Sexton’s poetry there just because it smelled good (there’s nothing like aromatic poetry).

Also, in case shopping at Barnes & Noble has made you forget what a real bookstore is like, the ambiance of Ken Sanders is unparalleled. The shelves are tall and close together with mounds of books stacked every which way leading up to the ceiling. If you can claim one of the few couches, curl up with an obscure book for the afternoon (as long as it has nothing to do with your major).

Conclusion: Forget it. This isn’t a term paper, and it doesn’t need a little bow tying everything together at the end. Do whatever you want this Spring Break-just steer clear of South Campus Drive.

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