I don’t mean to alarm you, but Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. The Internet is filled with articles about how to craft the perfect date or how to craft the perfect wrap-yourself-in-a-blanket-and-eat-ice-cream-from-the-tub-while-you-binge-watch-sad-movies-because-you’re-single night. This isn’t one of those articles.
In fact, it really has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t have to be a holiday to give a special compliment to your romantic interest. You can give a special compliment to someone who you’re not even romantically interested in.
The problem is that guys, myself included, generally suck at giving compliments to women. Too many of us make the same mistake Prince Derrick makes in the 1994 animated movie, “The Swan Princess”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSa4Od9gynQ
Ouch! Hard to recover from something like that. (Spoiler alert: he does.)
There’s nothing inherently wrong with telling a girl she’s beautiful. The problem comes when that’s the only compliment a woman receives throughout her life. When a woman hears “You’re beautiful” or some variation thereof repeated as if on a loop, it can create a false idea that her value or worth is determined by how attractive she is to you or to men in general.
Women are already bombarded by media and advertising that tells them they’re no more than a luxury commodity to be dressed up, altered and presented for the consumption of men’s eyes. So when our go-to compliment is “You’re beautiful,” we are validating and supporting that image-based culture.
It’s not intentional, though. When you’re face-to-face with a girl you like, you can get tongue-tied and your mind can go blank. The natural result is that when you reach out for a compliment, you will often grab the simplest and most generic one in your personal word bank. Most guys aren’t so much shallow as they are uncreative.
So what kinds of compliments would the women in your life like to receive? To get an idea, I asked my female Facebook friends what their favorite compliment was that they had ever received. Here’s what they said:
You have a very loving heart — you’re constantly serving.
Damn, girl, you know how to dress!
I love the way that you see the world.
You always know how to say the right thing.
Your dry sense of humor is one of your best qualities.
Thanks for always being so positive and helping me.
Do you realize how smart you are?
So if you really want to make an impact with your compliments, whether it be for your Valentine or if you just want to make someone’s day, focus on what makes that person unique. Their personality. Their sense of humor. How they treat others. The way they express themselves. You might have to pay closer attention to them to pick up on those things, but hey, letting a person know they’re worth paying attention to is a pretty good compliment in and of itself.