Editor:
It has come to my attention that the beautiful trees of our fair campus have become infested with rats, and no one seems to give a rat?s a**. According to Jared Bennett’s letter yesterday, a two and-half-foot rat was spotted on or near a campus tree. I’m greatly disturbed by the insidious event. Students these days are way too busy worried about far away things that never affect us to notice what’s going on right before their eyes!
I believe we have a real problem here; I suspect the offending rodent may actually be an escaped lab rat, in which case he has nothing to lose, and he most probably will get violent, especially when cornered.
First we need to completely defoliate the campus to expose all rats that may be hidden in the trees and bushes.
Second, we need to seriously reconsider the U’s wimpy stand against concealed weapons on campus (unless of course, your concealed weapon happens to be a two-and-a-half-foot rat). Even the most crazed, rabid rat would think twice before attacking a student who was armed with a semiautomatic assault rifle and 70 rounds of hollow-point ammunition.
I know it will be long and bloody war, but eventually we can make what’s left of the campus safe for students to walk without the constant creeping fear of rat attacks.
Don Gentry
Alumnus, Chemistry