With the big game between Brigham Young University and the University of Utah coming up this Saturday, tension is building, and the insult-slinging is well underway. While rivalry is a long-time college tradition, those of us at The Daily Utah Chronicle are above devoting our editorial space to further mocking the Cougars’ football team (they stink).

However, we are not above mocking The Daily Universe, BYU’s lackadaisical effort at journalism. In fact, here is a truncated list of why we find them revolting.

?Their name isn’t arrogant at all (note the sarcasm).

?Breaking news for them is when someone forgets to put carrots in the Jell-O.

?They work there because they have to as part of a class?Let’s just hope it’s pass or fail.

?The paper itself is soft, strong and thoroughly absorbent.

?All of their letters to the editor begin with the word “repent.”

?Their most prolific writer is Mr. Associated Press.

?They never have to worry about that whole First Amendment thing getting in the way, with all of those censors hanging around.

?They think journalism is what they write in their journals at the end of each day. “Dear Diary, today I used the d-word in seminary. Oh my heck, it was totally an accident.”

?They get a lot more money than we do.

?No, seriously?A LOT more money.

?Their main headlines for Nov. 15 were “Lunch Provides Treat for Harry Potter Fans” and “Museum Cafe Treats Potter Fans to Fun.” Lunch and Museum Cafe must be big men on campus. The Pulitzer should be coming any day now.

?Their president and head censor is named Bateman?enough said.

?Brigham Young founded OUR university?so neener, neener, neener.

?Gordon B. Hinckley graduated from the U?so, again, neener, neener, neener.

?And, most important of all: The Daily Universe thinks they are the Deseret News, the D News thinks they are The Salt Lake Tribune, The Tribune thinks they are The New York Times and The Times, well, they wish they were The Chrony.