“If God has a self-affirmation crisis, suddenly lacks confidence and subsequently stops believing in himself, does that make him an agnostic? And if God is an agnostic, wouldn’t that implode the universe? And if the universe imploded, would BYU’s defense then be able to actually stop somebody? Nope?Didn’t think so.”Utah 38, BYU 30Eric WaldenChronicle Sports Editor and Divine Psychotherapist

“If this BYU team is a finely tuned machine, then its defense is the carburetor that fell off miles ago. The Y offense will be shut down like a frisky 17-year-old on prom night. You see, BYU is facing a Utah defense coming into its prime, much like Hulk Hogan circa 1984.”Utah 23, BYU 6 Rory BrunnerChronicle Asst. Sports Editor and Connoisseur of Fine Brews “If I can score against a BYU team, then anyone can. The offense of BYU has played well against a bunch of college football rejects, and now will realize how much of this season was a product of who they have played.”Utah 34, BYU 26Asad KudiyaChronicle Sports Writer and Still Too Young for Puberty

“During the pre-game festivities, Cougar fans realize the president of Brigham Young University, Merrill Bateman, is a graduate of the University of Utah. They all leave the stands weeping. Not being able to play without their loyal fans, BYU coach Gary Crowton takes his team off the field. Utah wins by forfeit.”Utah 1, BYU 0Lance GameroChronicle Sports Writer and Official Soccer Team Booster

“They are scared of us, and I am not talking about our defense alone. BYU administrators are worried that a swarm of U students will descend on campus and rain destruction on the ivory tower they claim their institution to be. And when it comes down to it, they should be. Because here we come. Not just the 95 Utes on the football team, but thousands of others, dressed in red. Do you see the fear in Doman’s eyes, because I sure do.”Utah 55, BYU 40Matt CanhamChronicle Editor in Chief and Master of Destruction

“I don’t care about football very much, and my girlfriend Elena graduated from BYU, so I pretty much keep my mouth shut in cases like this.”Utah x+>1, BYU xJared WhitleyChronicle News Editor, Loves Elena

“BYU’s defense sucks. Utah will score like Anna Nicole Smith at a retirement home. Besides, Luke Staley is over rated. He will get beaten harder than a Taliban impersonator in Times Square.”Utah 38, BYU 27Jimmy SeamanChronicle Opinion Columnist and the Scary Mug Behind Corky

“I didn’t even realize BYU was still in the Mountain West, because I haven’t seen ’em at any media luncheons. BYU’s defense is teddy-bear soft, as are most men in Utah County. Maybe if they get their wives’ permission, they can show up to the game and even score a touchdown.”Utah 21, BYU 5Jim BurtonStandard Examiner Sports Writer and Former Chrony Guy

“Utah always wins in Provo.”Utah 45, BYU 42Mike SorensonDeseret News Sports Writer and Knower of All Things Obvious

“It will come down to the last couple of minutes, and Doman will find a way to cap a scoring drive.”BYU 37, Utah 34Patrick KinahanSalt Lake Tribune Sports Writer and Katherine McColl’s No. 1 Fan

“The Utes’ offense is so ugly, it couldn’t even score on the teenage chicks at the Britney Spears concert this week.”BYU 45, Utah 2Jody GenessyDeseret News Sports Writer and Britney Spears Concert Attendee

“You know, I think it’s great that BYU finally has a team that reflects its two-faced student body?a pure and clean offense, but a defense that reeks of a herpes infection. But as all BYU co-eds eventually realize, the time comes that you have to face the music: You’ve got a V.D., an appointment with the bishop and a defense that smells like sex in a Wilkinson Center bathroom. And guess what?come Saturday, it’s confessin’ time.”Utah 34, BYU 26Shane McCammonPark Record Sports Editor and World’s Filthiest Human

“Defense always wins, so I pick Utah. BYU has played nobody. Utah beat Indiana, who has beaten Wisconsin and Michigan State, with defense. [Utah’s] defense is absolutely awesome. BYU’s offense is not much better than Utah’s offense. Utah can take Luke Staley out of the game. He’s not scored in three years against the Utah defense.”Utah 34, BYU 31Bill MarcroftVoice of the Utes and Player of Nobody

“I understand Crowton’s been pulling his hair out trying to figure out how to beat Utah.” Utes 24, Cougars 20 Dirk FacerDeseret News Asst. Sports Editor and Former Chrony Guy

“I think the Utes win because the Y is soft in the middle and the U has a strong run game up the middle. The Utah defense can’t stop the Y, but can hold them just enough…Coach McBride is very good at getting his team up for one game.” Utah 27, BYU 21Chris TunisUSU Radio Announcer and Face Made for Radio

“It will be a heck of a ballgame. I’ve seen film on both of them in preparation this week [for Utah State]. It will come down to strengths?the BYU offense against a talented Ute defense. The Y’s chore will be to get the ball back. Utah has shown the ability to run the ball and control the clock. It will come down to the best defense.” Utah 32, BYU 28Jerry Graybeal Weber State University Coach and Wanna-be SUU Coach

“They will have to call the game because it will go past midnight and BYU can’t play anymore on Sundays.”Utah 75, BYU 75Rod ZundelKSL-TV Anchor and Owner of Myriad Bad Rugs

“I don’t think they have played anyone as tough as Utah yet.”Utah 34, BYU 31Carl ArkyKTVX Anchor and Jeremy Brunner’s B****

“The running game will keep the ball out of BYU’s hands, it will slow them down. Then again, I said Bonds wouldn’t catch McGwire and Oakland and the Braves would be in the World Series.”Utah 33, BYU 28Steve KlaukeKFAN Announcer and Lover of Kevin Costner Baseball Movies

“BYU has been lucky. Every team runs in part on good fortune, but BYU has had more than its share.”Utah 27, BYU 24Steve BrownKJZZ Announcer and Mark Eaton’s Personal Masseuse

“BYU has a hard time stopping the run, and Dameon Hunter and Adam Tate are serious runners. BYU has been getting by, but not winning big.”Utah 31, BYU 24Mike RungeFOX 13 Sports Anchor and Bringer of Runge-Time!