Lane courtesy?A man was reportedly harassing people in the Union bowling alley. The police responded, but the suspect denied harassing anyone. The police ran a warrant check on him?he had an outstanding warrant. They arrested him and booked him into the county jail.
Hey pal, they may put up with that kind of crap in the public bowling alleys, but not here at the U.
Attempted suicide?A man cut his throat and jumped from a moving car. When he was rushed to University Hospital, marijuana was found on his belongings.
You know, call me crazy, but I’m guessing this guy has bigger problems than marijuana.
You drove over this person’s leg??Drivers trying to park on Presidents Circle began arguing over a spot. The argument escalated, and one party drove his car at the other party, bumping the person’s leg. Charges are pending.
You drove into a person’s leg? Yeah, that’ll get you a parking space?in prison!
Paintball warfare?Someone shot paintballs at two U vehicles parked near the Heritage Center.
Those are some really impressive marksmen there, yup, next time, guys, why don’t you try shooting at something a little more challenging?
Stealing DVD in a time of war?After forcing the door open, someone burglarized a room in the military science building. The person stole a TV, VCR and DVD player.
OK, this guy’s bright: Break into a military building while we’re at war and jumpy about terrorists. Real bright.
Car burglarized in hospital terrace?From a car parked in the north hospital parking terrace, someone stole a CD case, parking permit, first-aid kit and other property.
Elevator graffiti?With a marker, someone scribbled on the inside of an elevator in the social work building.
Do you think if he said he scribbled as part of therapy, they’d let him off?
Antenna theft?Someone stole an antenna for a wireless network from the Union.
Does that mean I don’t have to listen to people’s cell phones playing that obnoxious “Nokia tones” ring in class any more?
Somehow-damaged lights?Five halogen lights and one red lens at the University Hospital helipad were somehow damaged.
Perhaps alien invaders parked poorly on the helipad and neglected to leave a note. Alien jerks.
Stolen coinbox?In a Gardner Hall student kitchen, someone forced open a vending machine and removed the coin box, which was found later in a nearby restroom.
Yeah, that’s where I need huge amounts of hard change: when I go to the bathroom.
Police tip of the week?If you have a stereo with a removable face plate, take it with you when you leave your car. Don’t leave it in the glove box or under your car seat. These are the first places a thief will look for it.