Whenever I overhear, or personally have a conversation about, the struggles of life as a U student, I inevitably hear the phrase, “Well, your problems are because the U is a commuter campus.”

All right, that’s all well and good, but that statement has become one whopping, ambiguous clich, catchphrase, catch-it-all-in-one-net scapegoat.

I remember being recruited by the U as a high school student, and I have to smile at my navet and idealism.

The U painted itself as a glorious, student-friendly institution of higher learning. When my fellow high school students and I would pose questions such as, “Isn’t it more of a commuter campus? Don’t most people just go to work, go to school, go home?” we were immediately assuaged by descriptions of student body bonding grandeur. After all, they had Redfest.

Beyond Redfest, they also provided us with the Oscar caliber film “It’s All About U!” containing images of a unified college community and various club opportunities. And they gave a killer drinking mug. How could we pass up an offer like that?

Perhaps if we could have seen how this picture was not a true reflection of reality, we as university students wouldn’t be filled with vast disappointment.

This school seems to be “All About Money” not “All About U,” and the clubs so rarely come out of the woodwork, there is little motivation to join.

I think it is viciously dishonest to the future students of this school to portray the U as anything other than what it is: a commuter, cold, unfriendly and unconnected campus. The attitudes on this campus would improve if students came here getting what they expected. In other words, paint it as it is, or don’t paint it at all.

And for those of us already here, there would be a lot less whining if we all came to the realization that a “commuter campus” is all the U is ever going to be, so there is no sense fooling ourselves that we can make it otherwise.

There has been a lot of talk lately that numbers of fans attending the U’s sporting events have startlingly decreased, proving that school pride is related to school image. Hmm?this causes one to ponder if the students feel there is nothing to be proud about.

And then we’ve got the Olympics as our pride producing machine. For those select few who are living on campus to have the full “college experience,” the Olympics dampen any spark of devotion. As soon as these folks get in their groove and start to connect with each other and their school, Mr. SLOC forces them out of luxurious new quarters and annexes them into a location that people found uninhabitable decades ago.

It’s a good thing this event is only going to happen once, because it’s not one that is going to keep the dormers coming back for more.

But hey, whatever the U needs to do to uphold Olympic ideals.

There is yet a lack of one more thing on this campus. I only need three words to explain this one: Stadium of Fire.

I tell you what, you bring those Osmonds back for an annual appearance equal to BYU’s Stadium of Fire exhibition, and you’ve got yourself fun for the masses.

I think an addition of monster truck races at game halftimes and campus-wide NASCAR or wrestling parties would further serve as an augmentation to my master plan of diverting our attentions from our “commuter school” image.

Those tickets sell like hot cakes at the E Center and guarantee a crowd and a tradition. And if all else fails, we’ll give away free mullet haircuts to all in attendance.

It is also crucial to provide reimbursement for those in the dorms. A weekly round of “Elimidate” may be just the option to alleviate Olympic woes. If we can get everyone’s minds off of the U’s poor qualities of being a commuter school by highlighting events of pure nonsense, we’ll create a boomtown out of our college campus.

Satire aside, Redfest has got the right idea, it is just a tad overshadowed by the plethora of Verizon Wireless gurus. Abiding by the rule “Less solicitation, more nonsense” brings peace to every college student’s soul. Redfest creates a good party atmosphere and helps new students gain excitement about their sojourn here, but it is not enough.

Many may feel it is the students’ responsibility to join clubs, but these clubs are too few and far between. Excluding the likes of Terra Firma and Utahns For Choice, even clubs that do exist must be dug out of the closet and dusted off. It seems that once the recruiters gain the numbers, the recruiting stops where the clubs should be taking over. People aren’t getting involved because they don’t know the difference.

There is no reason to lie to ourselves or to the upcoming generation. We are still overcrowded, so it is obvious that we are all sticking around for a few deeply hidden reasons?good programs in selected fields, the ability to live at home and the convenience of attending the U. I guess we are all getting the medicine down despite the “commuter campus” pitfalls that are so conveniently not mentioned in the recruiting process.

Yes, the U may be limited in its attractions to those high school students seeking a friendly college scene, but to quote a little Tennyson, “That which we are, we are.”

Katie welcomes feedback at: [email protected] or send letters to the editor to: [email protected].