Little Billy Thomas won’t be playing with his friends for a couple weeks.
The 13-year-old won’t be doing much of anything after he took a rock and destroyed the $2 million Olympic Cauldron that once sat at the south end of Rice-Eccles Stadium.
The rock shattered one of the multi-leveled structures’ glass walls, and after a few moments the entire cauldron crashed to the ground.
“I didn’t know it would break,” said an astonished Thomas.
His father didn’t believe him.
“What did you think would happen when you hit glass with a rock?” asked the visibly upset Mr. Thomas before sentencing his son to three weeks no friends, no TV and no Internet.
Billy Thomas plans to appeal the decision with his mother who has yet to return home from work.
“This is ridiculous. I didn’t mean to break it. I just wanted to see what would happen,” Thomas said.
Officials from the Salt Lake Organizing Committee plan to be present at the hearing and argue for the original punishment.
“Ah shucks, that cauldron was really expensive. I don’t want to be a dork, but the kid needs to learn that you don’t throw rocks at million dollar objects,” said SLOC President Mitt Romney. He said SLOC would find the largest bowl it can to use as the new cauldron.
U administrators were not as upset as Romney.
“Oh really, that tall ugly thing fell down. That’s too bad,” U President Bernie Machen said.
Disclaimer: The Comical is pure satire and appears at the beginning of every week on The Chronicle’s Web site. Please take the stories as jokes and don’t call your lawyer. Thanks.