;??;?ache will keep Joey Bumperton out of the Olympics. More accurately, a charred esophagus and stomach will force Bumperton out of the Super G competition.
The world renowned athlete suffered the burns when he swallowed a match in an attempt to “light the fire within.”
“I have heard that phrase over and over again from Olympic organizers. I just took it too literally. I am so embarrassed,” Bumperton said.
His mother, Anne, is also extremely embarrassed.
“My son might be a great athlete but he is a dumbass,”she said.
The Salt Lake Organizing Committee adopted the phrase “light the fire within” as the slogan of the 2002 Games months ago. Since that time they have promoted the overly hokey and illogical phrase throughout the world.
“I mean, if the fire is already within why do you have to light it,” Anne Bumperton said. “I was planning on my Joey winning a medal, getting his face on a Wheaties box and buying me a Cadillac. Now it is all ruined.”
Joey Bumperton said he planned to swallow the match for some time as part of his training.
“I was running hard and lifting weights. I was in top form and a couple weeks before the competition got underway I wanted to make sure my fire was lit. I wanted to have every advantage I could over my competition. I have also been taking steroids pretty regularly, uh, I mean vitamins,” he said.
Bumperton has considered suing SLOC over the phrase that cost him his Olympic dream.
SLOC officials are not exactly worried.
“If this guy was so smart he swallowed a match, who knows if he can even use a phone to call a lawyer,” SLOC President Mitt Romney said. “We will keep using the phrase ‘light the fire within.’ I just hope no other athletes take it literally.”
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