As if watching the Opening Ceremonies on television from my humble apartment three blocks away from Rice-Eccles Stadium wasn’t frustrating enough, the commentary of NBC broadcaster Bob Costas led me to believe he hit the gin and tonic a little heavy before going on-air Friday night.
It was a beautiful production, complete with the torch relay memory of the 1980 U.S. Hockey team lighting the Olympic Cauldron, an absurdly costly “Light the Fire Within” production and an appearance by the President of our United States.
But the witty insight of Costas stole the show. I was astounded so much, I decided to scribe a few of the timeless Costas quotations. The first of which came during the artistic “Light the Fire Within” production.
“You know, Katie (Couric), it’s never good when you’re being pursued by giant icicles.”
Amen. If I only had a nickel for every time I heard that one. If that didn’t warrant a laugh heard round the world, I don’t know what could. I was rolling on the ground uncontrollably.
In fact, just last week I remember being pursued by giant icicles as I was driving down Foothill Blvd. Then I snapped out of my six day payote smoking binge.
The next came just as the five or so Iranian athletes marched into the Opening Ceremonies. Costas noted:
“Iran is a country President Bush called an axis of evil in his State of the Union Address.”
Wow. Now, during an Olympic production, where peace supposedly reigns over all and countries forget their differences and squabbles, why would Costas point out such a detail?
An axis of evil? Nothing like pointing out the enemy, in case some Americans didn’t know who to hate.
In perhaps the most confusing comment of the night, Costas cut off Couric to emphatically announce:
“And I’ve been waiting one and a half years to say this, we’re live and here’s Australia.”
Your guess is as good as mine with this one. I believe he is referencing the Sydney summer games of 2000, but if he used intelligible rather than mixed thought sentences, maybe I would’ve gotten his drift.
The list goes on and on.
During the “Light the Fire Within” production, he said:
“There’s nothing more enjoyable than a pack of crazed coyotes.”
Then there was reference to Latvia, who had run into “commercial oblivion.”
And who can forget Costas trying (unsuccessfully) to appeal to the younger generation during the introduction of Jamaica, in reference to the reaction of U.S. troops.
“They’re diggin’ it in Kandahar.”
I realize a three hour production isn’t the easiest thing to emcee. If I had to do it, I’m sure I would slip up a few times. But ol’ Bobby made routine off-the-wall, inopportune comments.
This was a once-in-a-lifetime, historical sports production. This was the entire scope of what some will get to see of Salt Lake City and the state of Utah for their whole lives.
In a lot of instances, silence would have been the best commentary.
If it was witty intuition the network wanted, couldn’t NBC have gotten a play-by-play analyst who had it together, say Dennis Miller, John Madden or even the master himself, Bill Walton?