About the only facet of college basketball more mystifying than some audacious Southern Illinois team winding up in the Sweet 16 (not to mention figuring out exactly what the hell a “Saluki” is) is the whole Nolan Richardson-Arkansas saga.

Concerning the former, my own eccentric beliefs suggest that the universe operates not via some overarching, governing force, but rather is only a product of a random collision of atoms which subsequently generate chaos?a process resulting in the continued success of SIU.

Those same esoteric beliefs surmise that a saluki is a tall, slender dog originally bred in Arabia and Egypt, with a smooth, silky, variously colored coat.

Aren’t I smart?

Actually, I can only take partial credit for that one.

While the definition was technically supplied to me by my good bud Webster, whose ever-expansive vocabulary makes his old rivals Oxford and Britannica seem about as intelligent as anyone who watches?let alone competes in?FOX’s “Celebrity Boxing,” I put some points in my own ledger for having a social life so pathetic that I literally have no recourse other than to spend weekends interacting exclusively with “Webby” and learning tons of similarly pathetic minutiae.

Aren’t I special?

As for Richardson and the Razorbacks, however, no sociologist, psychologist, psychiatrist or bartender alive can make sense of those dysfunctional dimwits.

Richardson has been the men’s basketball coach at the University of Arkansas for the past 17 years, a stretch that included 13 appearances in the NCAA Tournament, two more in the NIT, a National Championship in 1994, a runner-up finish in ’95, and another trip to the Final Four besides.

It was a successful enough tenure that he just completed the first season of a seven year extension that would pay him an average of $1.03 million per year.

But in the death throes of a miserably woeful year that saw the Hogs underachieve their way to a 14-15 finish, Richardson twice boiled over and lashed out (on Feb. 23 and 25)?criticizing fans and media, claiming he was treated differently than other UA coaches because he is black, and twice saying for the record that he would gladly take a hike under the conditions of his contract’s buyout clause, which would guarantee him a half-mil a year for the next six years.

By the 28th, he had sufficiently calmed down from his infantile tantrum to retract his heat-of-the moment rantings and admit that he wanted to remain the Razorbacks’ coach.

Problem is, by that point, athletics director Frank Broyle and University Chancellor John White had already taken steps to facilitate his departure, and Richardson’s contract was officially bought out on March 1.

When Richardson questioned why he was dismissed, White first cited a no-excuses necessary clause under the “Termination at the Convenience of the University” section of Richardson’s contract.

White then reminded Richardson of his initial statements expressing a desire to be bought out, prompting the coach to tell The Associated Press, “I did not resign or retire, nor did I request to be bought, and I have not been bought out of my contract.”

Richardson’s response further included citing a portion of his contract saying that for the buyout to be official, it first had to be approved by Arkansas System President Alan Sugg?a move that White and Broyle neglected.

Now, Sugg is reviewing the case and will decide upon Richardson’s appeal, possibly as early as today.

With a potential lawsuit hanging in the balance, this whole situation is about as ridiculous as a debate to decide if *N’SYNC or Backstreet Boys is the better boy band.

There’s a simple solution that, though unappetizing to all involved, as it entails the eating of substantial portions of crow, would keep all these people out of the courtroom and allow them to get back to watching Jenny Jones reruns.

Though he is certainly possessed of free speech, Richardson should admit he ought not have run his mouth so vehemently and so publicly if he didn’t mean it. And though not contractually in need of justification for a firing,White and Broyle ought to admit that, upon hearing that the coach really wanted to remain, they shouldn’t have continued on their crusade to run him and his disparaging remarks out of town.

Then Richardson will get back the job he wants, Arkansas will get back one of the premier hoops coaches in the country, and I can get back to wondering why the hell Southern Illinois would choose an obscure, skinny, Egyptian mutt as its mascot.

Eric welcomes feedback at: [email protected].