Editor:
I don’t know if this is the right time or place for this. But I just can’t take it any longer. He won’t return my phone calls or respond to my emails. Maybe this will get his attention and let him know how much we want to be a family.
Bernie, don’t you want to meet our baby?
I know our love affair was a one-time thing and that as president of the university a love tryst with a student wouldn’t look good, but I also know that deep within that capacious, autocratic chest of yours beats the heart of a dear, loving man. And your baby needs you. And you need him, Bernie.
Fernando is a lot like you, in so many ways. He’s only 26 months, but he’s got your smile, your eyes and?of course?your hair! His hands are so dainty, yet refined, I’m sure he’ll grow up to be a wonderful dentist just like you.
Fernando is like you in other ways too, Bernie. He likes to pick ideological battles he has no chance of winning. Just yesterday he demanded I serve him pudding instead of creamed broccoli. I told him he needed to eat his broccoli if he wants to grow up big like his daddy to pick fights with the state Legislature! But then he bit my hand, the hand that feeds him, just like you do.
He’s so adorable. Sometimes I call him Fernie and I think of you. I’ve enclosed a picture of him to print. If you love us, please respond. I know we can’t have what we once did, but Fernie needs his Bernie.
Name Withheld, Junior, Anthropology
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