Illustrating the tragic unreadiness of on-campus anti-robot efforts, a robotic supervillain seized the Engineering and Mines Classroom Building.
Accompanied by cybernetic og-cart driving Marxists, Polish Roboticus and his sidekick Aluminum Titan swept into the classroom building late Sunday.
“All will kneel before Polish Roboticus,” it said as go-carts carrying captive U community babies sped around the classroom building. Law enforcement officials and up and-coming miners were shocked.
“Kneel before Polish Roboticus,” it repeated in a robot voice so hackneyed it would make those guys that did “Battlestar Galactica” blush.
Three hours after the standoff began, the cyborg go cart drivers made some failed attempts at making “wheelies” and went home. Police then shot Roboticus in its vulnerable spot (the face) and Titan surrendered. Military officials are taking the two to space jail, where they will be imprisoned in one of those creepy mirror things like in “Superman II.”
A 27-year-old Eastern European construct made to terrorize Catholics, gypsies and war widows behind the Iron Curtain, Roboticus has made multiple attempts during its existence to conquer Western institutions. After stealing Christmas in Wisconsin in 1984 and 1986, Roboticus tried to take over Washington, D.C., in 1987.
When that failed, he conquered the Washington Memorial. Washington superhero contingent The Pummeling Patriots liberated the memorial. Later that year, Roboticus conquered the Franklin Roosevelt Memorial and nobody noticed.
Before being shot and taken to space jail, Roboticus announced that its goal was to begin a grassroots effort to spread communist propaganda at America’s institutions of higher learning, thereby condemning the United States to a future of leaders indoctrinated by leftist, Marxist dogma.
To which President Bernie Machen said, “What does this stupid robot think we’ve been trying to do?”
Disclaimer: The Comical is pure satire and appears at the beginning of every week on The Chronicle’s Web site. Please take the stories as jokes and don’t call your lawyer. Thanks.