Marge Simpson is fuming. Not only is she forced to clean up after Bart, listen to Lisa’s incessant saxophone playing and sleep next to Homer, but she didn’t even get a vote in the ASUU primary elections.
Homer received two votes for president of the Associated Students of the University of Utah, Lisa and Maggie both got one. Bart, who has obviously decreased in popularity, only received a vote for ASUU General Assembly.
Ah, the write-ins.
There is nothing like taking a gander at the primary results for all of the weird, quirky and down right creepy votes casted by the weird, quirky and down right creepy students of the student body of this grand university.
Besides from the Simpson clan, many celebrities received votes for president. These include: Cartman, the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, George Bush, Greg Ostertag (with Hot Rod Hundley as his vice president), Joe Camel, Jon Bon Jovi, Lyle Lovett, Mickey Mouse, Ozzy Osbourne, Ralph Nader, Richie Sambora and Spike Lee. Notice that I listed these in alphabetical order starting with the first letter. I would hate to give the illusion that I value one presidential candidate over another.
Who am I kidding? Of course, I am biased.
While I understand a vote for Ozzy Osbourne, I respect a vote for Crazy Cocaine Junkie 4 and Fangy McHairgrease five times more, or how about the venerable Jem Truly Outrageous or Marijuana Man. These candidates have much to offer and are far more creative than a simple vote for George Bush, hell, the man holds one presidency he doesn’t need another.
What is truly disappointing is the lack of creativity in some of the colleges. The Graduate School of Architecture produced a vote for Anwar Sadat for Senate, but no great write-in for Assembly. The School of Business came up with no write-ins for Senate, the school’s only saving grace was Assembly votes for Al Gore, Democracy Rules, Jalen Rose, Montgomery C. Burns, More voices are better than one, Running Utes, What does all this mean, Where is the Third Party, Your Mom, Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg. What type of election would we be running if Snoop didn’t get at least one vote?
Other classic write-ins from the Senate and Assembly races include: Al Roker, Big Bird, Jon Stamos, Vladimir Lenin, apathy, David Duchovny, John Doe, Mr. T, my little sister, The Rock, Bud Light, Steve Gutenberg and Scott’s Butt.
Scott must be proud.
The long list of humorous write-ins show how seriously many students take this ASUU election. And in all actuality, why should they take it seriously? The candidates have tried to draw distinctions among each other. But the distinctions are so thin they are almost invisible. ASUU will undergo no sweeping change if Impact beats Elevation or Elevation beats Impact, so why not have fun with a vote?
All candidates vow to be fiscally responsible with student fees, to help rid campus of its decades-long commuter status and work on the parking problem. Good for them, but neither party has come up with any issue that sets them apart. And when that happens a vote for our friend Fangy McHairgrease or ASUU sucks sounds pretty good.
Today is the last day of the ASUU final election voting and The Daily Utah Chronicle promises to print a list of the most humorous write-in votes in the days to come, so sharpen that wit and log on to www.asuu.utah.edu.
Matt welcomes feedback at: [email protected]