Postpone for a moment your concern regarding the NBA playoffs. Not because the first round will drag out for two weeks, or that you’ve finally come to the realization that the Jazz are going to lose (eventually), Karl Malone is going to leave the team and John Stockton is heading for retirement.

Forget all that because for one day, there is a greater issue at hand. Today marks the commencement of a one-day event that, though it will receive no major media attention, will undoubtedly alter the cosmos and send the 13 billion-year-old galaxy into implosion.

For if you aren’t a proponent of the Chrony because of undesirable coverage, supposed misquoting or because you just plain bitch about everything, it’s free, laughable entertainment that is scheduled today.

Whatever your poison, it may be cured by the course of Public Humiliation 1010 that is the annual Associated Students of the University of Utah (ASUU) versus The Daily Utah Chronicle basketball extravaganza, happening this afternoon at 1:00 p.m. on the floor of the Jon M. Huntsman Center.

It’s a celebration of uncoordination and a parade of no talent ass-clowns in a disrespect of a hallowed collegiate floor.

However, I must issue a published public notice, nay, a warning to our cross-hall Union mates as to what they are getting themselves into.

Sure, ASUU may have beaten us last year, snapping a two-year Chrony winning streak, but once one sizes up the talent and unearthly power on this year’s team, there’s no way the evil empire of ASUU can cheat us out of another one.

The sports staff alone, with its superhero-like powers, presents serious dilemmas for the ill-fated student government.

Look at sports-hand Lance Gamero, a.k.a. The Ref. Gamero, a writer by day, high school referee by night, will be there to refute any ill-timed calls by the officiating crew.

If Gamero doesn’t agree with a call, he can pull out his pocket handbook and refute the call, stating the rule in which the referee fouled up. Gamero has Londonberry ward ball experience, and is a self-proclaimed ward all-star.

Then there’s barely legal-aged Asad Kudiya, who plays like a seasoned veteran, or at least he can talk trash like one. With his youthful energy, juvenile antics and ability to hit the NBA trey, he’ll be an asset.

Then there’s the sports chief himself, Eric “Wally” Walden. Now, Wally hasn’t ventured outside the confines of P.E. ball in his life, but he does possess a secret weapon this year that he’s hoping can make up for his performance of 2001?a pair of basketball shoes.

“It won’t help me to shoot, but it will keep me to stay upright,” Wally said.

Last year, Wally donned a pair of fashionable mountain climbing shoes. He was mopping more floor than a janitor with his sliding all over the JMHC floor.

Mix in future RED Editor Jeremy Mathews, who said he was good five or six years ago, and that as long as basketball is like riding a bike, he’ll return to form.

There’s Saturday afternoon playground wizards Mark Ogden and Stuf, unusually tall and foul ’em hard enough to make it hurt Jeremy Harmon and the boss himself Matt Canham, who would be the equivalent of Michael Jordan if the game was played in the Chrony backshop.

It’s going to be ugly, uncoordinated, anything but fluid basketball?but it’s also a chance to get a good laugh from taking journalists out of their everyday conditions. If nothing else, one can learn to hack.

As for my game, you’ll have to see it to understand.

Rory welcomes feedback at: [email protected]