I feel a need to address a problem that is ruining my bliss while watching NBA Playoff basketball.

Whether you blame this problem on the effects of the television and Internet due to the visual revolution or a general dumbing of society, creative basketball player nicknames have gone streaming downhill in recent years. They are virtually extinct.

Yet, I can’t blame the current breakdown in creative nicknaming on anyone besides people like myself?the modern-day sportswriter.

Whatever happened to unique, imaginative nicknames that made sports figures seem larger than life?

The mythologically heroic names like “Shoeless” Joe Jackson, the Galloping Ghost, William “the Refrigerator” Perry, “Doctor J” Julius Erving, “Pistol” Pete Maravich and the Sultan of Swat, Babe Ruth.

Today, sportswriters possess a presumably clever formula of taking the first letter of the first name and the first syllable of the last name.

This just isn’t working for me. It lacks any semblance of creative flair.

C-Webb, T-Mac J-Kidd, J-Will? Come on people, we can do better than that.

Even 10 to 15 years ago, nicknames were innovative light years ahead of today’s standards.

Karl “the Mailman” Malone is an ingenious way to describe someone who delivers, night in and night out (though, this Mailman, like others in the less lucrative sector, is becoming disgruntled and will be out of the beehive state).

Then came a nickname that signified a new style and a basketball revolution?Michael “Air” Jordan.

It’s short and sweet, but definitely to the point?the brother can sustain some hang time. Well, he used to be able to. And even though he’s nearing 40, he can still reach heights I couldn’t with a trampoline.

Then there was Atlanta Hawks forward Dominique Wilkins, a.k.a. the Human Highlight Film, and San Antonio Spurs center “the Admiral” David Robinson.

Today, when journalists attempt a creative nickname, it comes out generically obvious and anything but ingenious, such as Dallas Mavericks center Shawn Bradley’s naming as the Stickman.

Or what about HotRod Hundley’s dubbing rookie forward Andrei Kirilenko the Russian Czar. Isn’t that the same nickname every athlete from Russia gets tattooed with?

How come a Russian athlete can’t be labeled the Russian Peasant? Not every athlete from Russia can be labeled the all-powerful czar.

Then there’s the Toronto Raptors’ Vince Carter. When he’s not being called VC (pay attention to the inherent creative difficulty in that one), he’s being referred to as Air Canada.

Does anyone else see how this could be a potential problem?

But all is not that glum. There are a few names that are encouraging in today’s NBA.

Houston guard Steve Francis’ dubbing as Stevie Franchise, Glenn “Big Dog” Robinson is generic but acceptable, Allen “the Answer” Iverson or my personal favorite, Dikembe “Mount” Mutombo.

I guess I can’t be too critical, it is as much a fault of my own because I’m in this business.

Yet, I’ve got a couple basketball nicknames brewing, I’m just waiting for the right representatives for such nicknames. Fop a great shooter, there’s the Plumber, because he drains everything. Even though it may be more suitable for a 300-pound lineman whose pants like to sag, I think it would still work.

Or maybe the Grasshopper, for someone with excessive vertical spring.

No matter what, there needs to be more stank in player nicknaming. It keeps the imaginative side of sports alive, because they should be used as a societal escape.

Rory welcomes feedback at: [email protected].