Editor:

As the elections end, the ASUU Sucks Party thanks everyone for its landslide victory in the primaries: 234 votes and 25,000 non-votes. A few observations on our victory:

(1) Many people complained about being “assaulted” by candidates. Getting people to care is great, but this has the reverse effect. And don’t ask people who they voted for. Secret ballot, remember?

(2) It seems like ASUU only effectively reaches students during the elections. This makes ASUU look like a group of college students who only call home for tuition money. No wonder voter turnout is low.

(3) Enforcing the “fair market value” rule has drastically reduced the quality of campaign foodstuffs. Bring back the pie and ice cream!

(4) The ridiculous number of grievances destroys the spirit of the law. Stop fighting about what you can’t do, and actually do something. With this attitude, you won’t accomplish much when elected. Isn’t everyone on the same side after the elections? We thought that making a circus of the elections would increase voter turnout–unfortunately, the other parties do that well enough without us.

(5) Again, parties that don’t follow the “formula” lose. Ideas and platforms are meaningless– only the size of the juggernaut matters. Creative individuals must sell out to the mob mentality to even have a chance.

We mean no offense. ASUU has great potential. Unfortunately, it remains stagnant, never moving to greater heights. Until these things change, voter participation will remain (a)pathetic. Sadly, we will probably win again next year.

Rod Earl

ASUU Sucks Party