Disclaimer: The following article is published as part of our annual satirical April Fool’s Day issue. Please don’t believe any of it, and please don’t sue us. Thanks.

“Myee neeplz expload vees deelight!”Daniel Smith

“Well, yes it is sexy. Unfortunately, not nearly as sexy as me.” Jasmine Tiara

“I’m sexy.” KennyRoberts

“Sexy enough to be a rubber doll.”Cleatusvon mikpinis

“They have a whip. Whips are like batons. Batons are sexy.” Bretni

“Sexy implies sex, yes?” Daphne G.