(scene at a restaurant, NIGHT)
GIRL MALKOVICH: Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich…
WAITER MALKOVICH: Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich?
GIRL: Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich.
WAITER: Malkovich Malkovich. (turns to Malkovich) Malkovich?
For those of you who have seen it, you recognize this scene from one of the best and most original movies of the past decade, 1999’s “Being John Malkovich.”
I was suddenly and inexplicably reminded of this scene one recent afternoon while watching “Pardon the Interruption” and the rest of ESPN’s daily glut of sports talk shows.
Here, for comparison’s sake, is what I heard:
MARIOTTI: Annika, Annika Annika Annika.
PAIGE: Annika Annika? Annika.
KELLERMAN: ANNIKA ANNIKA ANNIKA!
KORNHEISER: Annika Annika Annika Annika.
WILBON: Annika? Annika? Annika Annika Annika.
ROME: Annika. Annika. Annika.
You all know what I’m talking about-it’s Annika Mania out there.
Today, Annika Sorenstam will become the first female golfer since Babe Didrikson Zaharias in 1945 to play on the men’s tour when she tees off at the Bank of America Colonial in Fort Worth, Texas.
We’ve all heard the controversy surrounding her exemption invitation from the PGA. We all know about Vijay Singh’s comments, his subsequent apology and his cowardly exit from the tournament.
And when the weekend is over, once Annika has missed the cut, and once the Jim Romes and Michael Wilbons of the world finally find something else to yap about, I ask, What will be accomplished?
For all the talk that’s been surrounding the subject, you’d think it was something that puts extremely positive and important future implications on the line.
But it’s not.
Let there be no doubt that this whole thing is a publicity stunt manufactured by the PGA, an organization that’s just been through a year of public relations hell. After going through the Martha Burk/Hootie Johnson/Augusta National flap, the world’s foremost golf association had to save face somehow. You know, to show just how sensitive, fair-minded and politically correct pro golfers really are.
The governing bodies of the PGA couldn’t be happier. The added media attention is sure making them look good. And those extra revenues from a traditionally less-popular event certainly can’t hurt, either.
But-and there’s always a ‘but’-when all is said and done, Annika Sorenstam’s PGA debut is just another politically charged publicity move, and its impact-if any-will be anything but positive.
There’s no way to sugarcoat this, so I’ll just come right out and say it: The simple fact of the matter is that Sorenstam doesn’t deserve to be playing at the Colonial. As far as I’m concerned (and I don’t think I’m alone on this), you pay your dues in sports. If you want to play on the PGA Tour, you go out and earn your tour card. Then, and only then, do you deserve to be playing alongside the likes of Jesper Parnevik, Sergio Garcia and-dare I say-Vijay Singh.
The fact that her inclusion is taking away a spot in the field from a guy whose very career and livelihood is the PGA Tour is ridiculous and unfair-and it sets a double standard that modern society is supposed to be against.
Now, I’m not by any means laying all the blame on Sorenstam herself. Hell, if I was a woman who got invited to play with the big boys, I’d probably take my chances, too.
But such an invitation should never have come. There’s a reason why there is a men’s tour and a women’s tour.
Having her play this weekend is the equivalent of David Stern inviting Lisa Leslie to play for, say, the Dallas Mavericks in the Western Conference Finals.
Sorry rookie, but…we’re bringing in a hotshot from the WNBA for a few games. I know you’ve earned the right to play and all…but, you know we only have 12 roster spots. Not to mention we need some interior defense.
Annika Sorenstam is by far the best golfer on the LPGA Tour. But now, apparently, the tour just isn’t good enough for her. Apparently, she just doesn’t feel challenged anymore.
What a way to slap your colleagues in the face, huh?
The fact that she’s joined the men’s tour for the weekend is, more than anything, an affront to the tour that made her a star.
Other than Sorenstam and Se-Ri Pak, can you name another golfer on the LPGA Tour? Most people can’t. Allowing her to compete at the men’s level will only make that situation worse. Sure, the publicity the women’s tour is getting this week certainly looks good now., but just wait. If Sorenstam is bigger and better and badder than the LPGA…well, there goes the credibility it has tried so hard to secure. I mean, would the WNBA ever survive without its stars?
Annika Sorenstam is an amazing golfer. On the LPGA, she’s as good as it gets. But nothing more.
The most confusing thing about this whole situation is that very few people, even her adamant supporters, believe she can compete with the PGA’s men.
So, I ask, what’s the point? To give her the chance? I’m sorry, but that’s not how it works.
If there was something to be accomplished here, something to gain, I’d be all for it. But there isn’t. Not for the PGA, not for Sorenstam and certainly not for the attention-starved LPGA. But hey-it’s going to happen, and I can’t do anything about it, so there’s really only one thing to say:
Annika. Annika Annika Annika.