Perhaps, like me, you learn about many current events through cultural osmosis. This irritating process allows one to know the words to a Britney Spears song without actually listening to it. Although effortless, this haphazard method of knowledge acquisition often excludes some interesting items. I offer a few examples.
In late May, Pygmy activists made an impassioned plea to the United Nations to halt the killing and eating of their people by Congolese fighters. Cannibals claim the flesh of these indigenous people harnesses magical powers. The part of Congo from which the Pygmies hail is just emerging from an extended civil war.
I wonder if J-Lo has a favorite junk food.
A lieutenant of Osama Bin-Laden urged terrorist attacks against the United States, Britain, Australia and Norway-much to the chagrin of Norway.
Denmark, not Norway, offered support to the United States in the war against Iraq. A careless lumping together of Scandinavian countries by the Al Qaeda leader explains the inclusion of Norway in the list.
More than 50 percent of Americans blame Iraq for the events of Sept. 11, 2001.
You see, the hijackers allegedly spoke the same language as Sadaam Hussein.
In local news, a melee over leaks in the Elizabeth Smart case claimed victims at the Salt Lake Tribune. Seemingly ignored was the fact that Michael Vigh and Kevin Cantera broke a cardinal rule of journalism-they revealed confidential sources.
Some journalists go to jail to protect their sources. These guys went to a two-hour lunch and sang like contestants on the newly resurrected “Star Search.”
June 4 marked the 14th anniversary of the massacre of student demonstrators in Tiananmen Square by Chinese troops. You can penalize the oppressive Chinese regime by not buying Chinese products. To accomplish this, one must vow never to buy anything from any store until the end of time. A citation for public indecency will follow my personal effort to rid my wardrobe of every piece of clothing “made in China.”
The Chinese Red Army turned on its own people as they peacefully demonstrated for democratic reform. The state of democracy in China remains dismal, but Wall Street investors treated former-President Jiang Zemin to a standing ovation in 1997. They celebrated his regime’s dalliances with capitalism.
America’s television-viewing public demonstrated democracy in action by voting for a new “American Idol.”
Call me apathetic, but I failed to participate in the voting. I was too busy getting excited about a movie that warns us of electronic manipulation while whacking us over the head with digital effects.
Wow…Orange Mountain Dew.