Quack. That’s where it all started. Quack quack. A decade ago, I had no idea how much Emilio Estevez would change my life. And not just my life, but the life of sports culture as a whole.
The year was 1992, and the movie was “The Mighty Ducks.” It seemed mostly insignificant back then. Not only was it fun for the whole family, but it brought back the cheeseball sports flick, inspiring a new legion of “Bad News Bears” ripoffs like “D2: The Mighty Ducks,” “D3: The Mighty Ducks,” “Hardball,” “The Big Green,” “The Replacements,” “Angels In the Outfield,” “Like Mike,” “Ed,” “Air Bud” and…oi vai…”Slam Dunk Ernest.”
Harmless, right? Wrong. 11 years later, as the NHL’s own Mighty Ducks have come out of nowhere to challenge for the Stanley Cup, I think it’s time to re-examine the cultural impact of that sleeper hit of the fall of ’92.
I know what some of you are thinking: Wait…there’s a real team called the Mighty Ducks? With real players?
But seriously, folks…that little flick about the Hockey Team That Could has touched us in ways we never would have imagined.
Example No. 1: Pacey. Without “The Mighty Ducks,” the career of Joshua Jackson may never have been launched. What would have become of “Dawson’s Creek” without Pacey? Jackson never would have become a national heartthrob, he never would have made “The Skulls,” he never would have walked off into the sunset with Katie Holmes in the series finale. (And, like, Oh my God, can you believe Jen died? And, like, what’s up with Dawson?)
Example No. 2: The film takes place in Minnesota. There’s a scene, right before the proverbial “big game,” where the Ducks get to meet NHL stars Mike Modano and Basil McRae, of the Minnesota North Stars. A year later, the North Stars packed up and moved to Dallas. Coincidence? I think not.
But the most disturbing outcome of the “Ducks” trilogy-yes, even more disturbing than seven years of “Dawson’s Creek”-and the real point of this dreadfully unfocused column, is what happened the year after the film was released. In perhaps the most shameless plug of all time, Disney’s Third Reich named its expansion NHL team after the fictional kids’ squad. Just like that, pro sports had a franchise called the Mighty Ducks. And just like that, all dignity was lost.
That one choice appears to have spawned an unprecedented sense of apathy and lack of creativity in the Team Nickname Game. I mean…the Ducks? Is nothing sacred?
Think of the Bulls. The Giants. The Cowboys. The Warriors. The Celtics…the Mighty Ducks? Who thought of that? And since when were ducks mighty? Who the hell thought of that? Am I repeating myself again?
Team nicknames used to mean something; they used to be something fans could be proud of. And then Corporate America dug its ugly claws into Anaheim and came up with the Mighty Friggin’ Ducks. Since then, it’s been a neat game of dominos.
Need proof? How about the NBA’s new Charlotte franchise?
The Charlotte Hornets was a good, strong team name. Sounded great. Made sense. Everyone was happy. After the team relocated, the NBA awarded a new franchise to Bob Johnson and the city of Charlotte. This week the team finally settled on a nickname: the Bobcats. (Get it? Bob Johnson, Bob-Cats?)
The Bobcats?! What is this, Cub Scouts? Elementary school? I think my little sister was once on a ballet squad called the Bobcats.
But these guys ain’t alone. A few years ago, we were still watching the Washington Bullets and the Houston Oilers. Now they’re the Washington Wizards and Tennessee Titans. I mean, come on-alliteration is so yesterday.
Some of the NHL’s newest expansion teams have followed suit as well. The North Stars’ Minnesota replacement is called the Wild. Columbus has the Blue Jackets. Atlanta has the Thrashers. What the hell is a thrasher?
And of course, let’s not forget the worst one of all, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. I’m not even ready to comment on that one.
I can’t prove this, but it is my belief that “The Mighty Ducks,” has done irreparable damage to the sports community. Gone are the days of ‘Let’s Go Whalers!’ Let’s just hope the days of ‘Quack quack’ aren’t here to stay.