It’s about that time again. The college football season is rolling around, and it’s the only thing that can make me happy now that I have to come to hell…I mean school, every day.
But the fact that our paper doesn’t run a formal preview for college football really ticks me off (mental note: kill my bosses).
I understand that there are more than 100 teams, and actually running a formal preview would be insane, but I don’t care because I am going to do one anyway. That’ll show ’em.
It’s impossible to look at every conference, and since I don’t care about 98 percent of the bowl games, the only thing to do is talk about who will win the major conferences-and, of course, the national title.
I might as well only go through the conferences that can lay claim to national contenders. Other then that, the rest can all go to hell.
* Big East
Ever since the final seconds ticked off the clock in last year’s national championship game between Ohio State and Miami, I knew the ‘Canes would take the title the following year.
It’s obvious that the Miami Hurricanes are so utterly pissed off that it has become their mission to win the title this year.
Kellen Winslow, the tight end who is regarded as one of the best players in the nation, said he is not leaving the school without a ring.
Don’t worry, Kellen, you will get it this year. With the loss of quarterback Ken Dorsey, the Hurricanes will gain a championship.
Basically, Dorsey is horrible and Brock Berlin is much better because he actually knows how to throw a football.
Virginia Tech and Pittsburgh will be the only other contenders in the conference. Both teams have excellent skill players, but both will be steamrolled by the angry ‘Canes.
* Big 12
It’s a two-team race between Oklahoma and Texas-and everybody knows it. It’s a shame they are in the same Big 12 division.
Texas is always amazing on paper, but that’s coach Mack Brown’s forte-recruiting well, but he never gets the expected results.
The Sooners are the preseason No. 1, but they will slip up sometime during the course of their brutal schedule.
Last year it was Texas A&M; this year it could be Colorado. Who knows? But it will happen. The Longhorns will take the conference, but neither will be in the national title game.
* Big Ten
Even though I have all the hate in the world for Ohio State, I can still see that it’s stacked.
With almost all their key players returning, there is no reason for the Buckeyes not to go through the season undefeated.
Even though running back Maurice Clarett will start the season on the bench due to academic issues, backup Lydell Ross can easily fill the role.
Early battles against Washington and N.C. State will be tough matchups for the defending champs, but the fact that both games are at home will give the Buckeyes the advantage they need to come out on top.
The rest of the Big Ten, save Michigan, will get stomped on by the Buckeyes, but the final game of the season is at the Big House.
John Navarre has never proven he can win the big game, but Ohio State will be surprised when he knocks them out of the title race in what is annually a nail-biting contest.
Too bad-I was really looking forward to watch Miami crucify the Buckeyes this season.
* SEC
So many solid teams to choose from, but this year Auburn is going to take the conference.
I know it sounds crazy to pick the Tigers, but this season it’s going to happen.
With so many players returning, including Cadillac Williams-one of the best running backs in the nation-along with quarterback Jason Campbell, the Tigers have a clear road to the title.
Not only do the they have the personnel, but they also play in the easier of the SEC’s two divisions.
Over in the SEC East, every team beat up on each other all season, and the winner will get beat in the title game by Auburn.
The Tigers will go undefeated and have the pleasure of being reamed by the Hurricanes (Yippee!).
* ACC
This conference sucks. The title is N.C. State’s for the taking, but the team always finds a way to screw it up.
I don’t know what the hell has happened to the Seminoles during the past few years, but the loss of Anquan Boldin will really hurt their chances of winning the conference title.
I have no faith in Chris Rix and the only thing the team has going for it is running back Greg Jones.
The Wolfpack has Heisman hopeful quarterback Philip Rivers returning, along with running back T.A. McLendon.
But the problem is that N.C. State has a knack for losing games it should win-and it might happen even against a bunch of mediocre ACC teams.
Even if the Wolfpack goes undefeated until its meeting with Florida State, the team won’t win the conference because the Seminoles will pull it out and take it away from them. I hate Florida State almost as much as I hate BYU, but the Seminoles will, sadly, win the ACC.
I purposely ignored every other team in the conference and did not even mention them because neither I, nor anyone else, cares.
* PAC-10
I really do enjoy watching those late-night Pac-10 games, but it’s too bad that most of the conference is not very good.
USC, Washington and Arizona State will vie for the title, but in the end it will all come down to the Trojans and Huskies.
Losing quarterback Carson Palmer is a big problem for USC, as it will have to depend on either Matt Cassell and Brandon Hance. Neither has game experience, which will cause huge problems.
The Trojans will trip up early in the year against Auburn, and may lose another non-conference game, but should have it together by the time conference play rolls around.
USC will be led by wide receiver Mike Williams and, in a pass-happy conference, the Trojans will win a shootout against the Huskies to win the conference.
But who cares? Every team I just talked about, besides Miami and Auburn, is worthless.
Does anyone even watch the other bowl games? I mean seriously, the Humanitarian Bowl?
I am not going to get on my ‘BCS sucks’ soapbox because it doesn’t matter this year.
Playoff or not, the ‘Canes are going to roll.
Go Utes.