OK, so the Utes are 6-4, bowl eligible and flirting with respectability. Hell, with two good outings and a little help from New Mexico, they could even clinch a share of the MWC title.
While I am certainly happy about the Utes’ good fortune as of late, I remain unconvinced that the current coaching staff has the moxie to avoid yet another letdown this season. And after the team’s pathetic showings at Wyoming and New Mexico, I think the majority of sports fans agree.
Although I have temporarily abandoned construction of my “Fire Kyle Whittingham” Web site, I still believe that the team could benefit from some changes in personnel during the offseason.
So, with the Utes only one competent coordinator away from greatness, I give you my list of coaches that could give our football team a much-needed spark:
1. Jim Fassel, formerly of the New York Giants
Pros: As a former coach here at the U, he knows the school, the area and the fans very well. He has NFL coaching experience, and at times made Kerry Collins look like the second coming of Phil Simms. To top it all off, Pete Carroll and Steve Spurrier have already proven that washed-up NFL coaches can have success in the minors.
Cons: His idea of discipline, which seems to be based on “tough love,” makes Whittingham look like Mother Teresa. Plus, he has never been able to win consistently on any level.
2. John L. Smith, formerly of Michigan State
Pros: During his tenure in Logan, the dude made Utah State look good, which is no small feat. Also, he has already lived in Utah, which means that no one will have to explain to him why local beer tastes like warm piss.
Cons: Smith hasn’t had a good season since leaving Louisville, a fact which makes sports pundits like me wonder whether or not he still has it in him.
3. Mike Sanford, currently at UNLV
Pros: As the offensive coordinator under Urban Meyer, he built one of the most dynamic offenses in the country. Even though he left for Vegas almost two years ago, he probably knows Utah’s players at least as well as current coordinator Andy Ludwig. Plus, with the Rebels playing as poorly as they are, it would only take a phone call to get him on the first bus back to SLC.
Cons: He’s been living in Nevada for two years, and it could take months to get the stench out of his clothes.
4. Gene Hackman, formerly of “Hoosiers”
Pros: A veteran of several sports movies, Hackman has shown a knack for getting the most out of his players. His motivational speeches are second do none, and he wins more consistently than any of the people on this list. Need more proof of his genius? He made Keanu Reeves look like a Pro Bowl quarterback.
Cons: He’s getting a little long in the tooth, which could mean that his best days are behind him. Also, he’s not actually a coach.
5. Knute Rockne, formerly of Notre Dame
Pros: Rockne is the quintessential football genius. He revolutionized the game by introducing the forward pass and helped the Fighting Irish establish one of the greatest traditions in all of sports. If Irish fans had their way, virgins would be sacrificed annually in his honor.
Cons: He’s dead. Still, given a choice between a dead Rockne and a live Ludwig, I’d take the former.
