As the NBA All-Star game draws nigh, I find myself thinking one thing: That voting system is just stupid.Seriously, if Shaq can be an Eastern Conference starter after playing in only six games this entire season, what’s the purpose of even voting? They should just have a preset roster where the most popular players in the league are automatically in, and then the rest are selected by a giant rochambeau competition.That way the Hulk Hogans and Ultimate Warriors of basketball can find their ways to the All-Star Game every year and we won’t have to worry about Brutus the Barber Beefcake accidentally winning the title (stay with me).This season, Gilbert Arenas barely beat out perennial favorite Vince Carter for the final spot on the East team, despite ranking second in the league in scoring (29.7 points per game).Barring the BCS, there isn’t a more flawed system in sports than all-star voting. Say Joe Blow is a below-average basketball fan who is familiar with names like Bryant, O’Neal and Mihm, but doesn’t know who’s doing what this season. For all Blow knows, O’Neal could be retired and a fellow East center could be averaging 50 points a game. Shaq would still get the vote because of his track record. There are also die-hard fans who think that the players on their favorite team are far superior to any others. Sorry folks, even though I’m a Jazz fan and fully support his goatee, Mehmet Okur should not be on the All-Star team. Why don’t we do something that makes sense, like letting the players and coaches vote on the team each year? After all, they know who really deserves to be on the team for a given season because they are playing against them on a nightly basis.Then we can have the fans like me focusing their efforts on more important things?
All-ugly team:G: Sam Cassell, LAC G: Tyronn Lue, AtlantaF: Adam Morrison, CharlotteF: Sheldon Williams, AtlantaC: Zydrunas Ilgauskas, ClevelandUgliest Player: Chris Kaman, LAC
All-candidates-to-be-traded-to-the-Knicks-before-trade-deadline team* (AKA All-Isiah Thomas team)G: Ricky Davis, Minnesota G: Baron Davis, Golden StateF: Nene Hilario, DenverF: Kenyon Martin, DenverC: Erick Dampier, DallasMost Value Trade Bait: Antoine Walker, Miami *Also note-worthy were Tim Thomas and Chris Webber, but Thomas was deemed ineligible due to quality play in last year’s playoffs and Webber has already been traded this season.
Person-you-would-be-most-likely-to-meet-in-a-dark-alley-because-he-would-run-away-like-a-sissy team*G: Earl Boykins, MilwaukeeG: Kirk Hinrich, ChicagoF: Reggie Evans, DenverF: Mark Madsen, MinnesotaF: Kevin Garnett, Minnesota*I feel the need to validate this category. Boykins is 3-foot-7, Hinrich is extremely white, Evans grabbed Chris Kaman’s balls last year, Madsen’s mom bakes cookies for the entire team and Garnett throws girlie punches.Most Valuable Pansy: Carmello Anthony, Denver
I-thought-they-were-dead-but-are-still-playing teamG: Darrell Armstrong, IndianaG: Eddie Jones, MemphisF: Robert “Tractor” Traylor, Detroit Penal SystemF: Vin Baker, MinnesotaC: Dale Davis, DetroitOldest Player Ever?Seriously Award: Clifford Robinson, New Jersey
Most-likely-to-be-acquired-by-the-Jazz-before-the-trade-deadline teamG: Mike Dunleavy Jr., IndianaG: J.J. Reddick, Orlando F: Wally Szczerbiak, BostonF: Mark Madsen, MinnesotaC: Mike Doleac, MiamiMost Valuable Acquisition: Tim Duncan, San Antonio
