Choking matters
A patient at the neuropsychiatric unit allegedly assaulted a therapist. Witnesses reported that the patient was seen choking the therapist, who then lost consciousness and hit the floor, which caused facial injuries.
Man, who put Dr. Phil and Britney in the same room? Charges are pending.
Stealing science
A microscope was stolen from the Utah Museum of Natural History, where it was being displayed in an exhibit.
Perhaps museum workers should build a bigger microscope to help them find it.
Can you hear me now?
A car parked in the west lot of the Field House was burglarized when a thief broke a window and stole a purse and two cell phones. However, a laptop computer that was in the car was not taken.
The thief should have used one of the cell phones he stole to call the other cell phone and say, “Dude, you should have taken the laptop.”
Finders, stealers
A student reported that $1,000 in cash, a PlayStation 2 and a digital camera were stolen from his student housing apartment.
Maybe he should be the one suspected of stealing-no college student has $1,000 in cash.
Hungry? Why wait?
A Union employee reported that a man had been stealing candy bars from an open-counter sales area and eating them while watching television. The police questioned the suspect, who denied stealing the candy. The witness signed a misdemeanor citation for theft against the suspect, who then said he shouldn’t be cited because no candy bars were found in his possession. However, empty candy wrappers were found on the floor near the suspect.
Sometimes you feel like a klepto, sometimes you don’t.
Room and bored
A textbook, X-Box and other property were reported stolen by a student who lives in the Residence Halls. The owner said he suspects it was his roommate.
There’s a possibility he thought it was his roommate because they shared a room and the X-Box was only a few feet away.
Creepy guy exposed
While at the Marriott Library, a woman reported that a man exposed himself to her. The man fled the area after the incident, but the victim and a witness were able to point out the man in a surveillance video.
His identity was also determined from the information he used to get a guest patron pass at the library. The police located the man and questioned him about the incident. He admitted to the offense and was booked into jail.
Suddenly, the stacks are not sexy anymore.
Monkey see, monkey throw poo
Police were called to University Hospital because a man would not leave the emergency room after being discharged. The man responded to the police by dropping his pants, urinating and pooping. He wiped the feces on himself and threw some of it at the officers. He also bit his tongue so hard that it bled and then he spit the blood at the police. The officers restrained him and put a mask on the man, but while still handcuffed, the man managed to get the mask off his face and spat at the officers through the cage in the patrol car. The officers then covered the man’s head with a sheet and left him in jail.
Classic.