Despite all its best efforts, opera is still considered8212;by some8212;to be about as interesting as watching infomercials alone on a Saturday night or as painful as getting a root canal.
Whatever.
Opera, even in its purest, most unpolluted form, is filled with innuendo and smut. Remember, the librettists writing the stories were keen on making people laugh, and some comic operas had as much slapstick as a decent episode of “Saturday Night Live.” In fact, to say opera is not full of hilarity8212;even the ones that aren’t intentionally funny8212;is like saying Shakespeare’s plays are not full of dirty humor: complete bull.
Here are some of opera’s most raunchy love songs, just in time for Valentine’s Day.
“Rivolgete a lui lo sguardo,” W.A. Mozart, from “Cosi fan tutte”: Guglielmo, a lyric baritone, touts his own prowess as a lover-boy: “I’m hot, I’m young; girls can’t get enough of me. Everyone wants to check out my awesome bedroom skills.” Only in more lyrical and beautiful language than that. The song is a cut aria8212;it doesn’t appear in the opera because Mozart decided it didn’t fit in context.
“Sandy’s song” from “The Lighthouse,” Peter Maxwell Davies: This one starts out innocently enough: “Oh my love, I yearn for you/ Your hair of gold, your eyes so blue/ Oh that you held me in your arms!/ I am transported by your charms.” And then the chorus joins in and all hell breaks loose. Read the song if you don’t believe me (everything in parentheses is what the chorus adds):
“Oh my love, I yearn for you/ (In a meadow sweet)/ (From my sleep)/ Your hair of gold/ (in a secret valley)/ (so deep)/ your eyes so blue/ (Resting on my staff)/ (so long)/ Oh that you held me/ (fast)/ (by the c***)/ in your arms/ (I come)/ (crowing loud)/ I am transported/ (to where my love doth lie)/ (I am aroused)/ by your charms/ (And all my senses sense defy)/ (My dream is flown.)”
“Una Donna a Quindici Anni,” W.A. Mozart, “Cosi fan tutte”: When a girl is 15, she should know how to make a man beg. Despina, the maid, is shameless when it comes to giving her mistresses advice on how to deal with their men. No qualms at all.
“Bel insecte à l’aile dorée,” Jacques Offenbach, “Orpheus in the Underworld”: Sometimes it’s better not to ask what composers are thinking. This is a love duet that consists of Eurydice singing a love song to Zeus, who has taken the form of a giant golden fly. The girl has been locked up in Hades for two acts, listening to her jailer complain that he used to be a king and genuinely boring out of her tree. A girl’s gotta do something to entertain herself. And let’s face it, it’s not like Zeus hasn’t taken on stranger forms in the pantheon of Greek mythology. If that’s still too weird for you, please keep in mind that Offenbach wrote this opera as a means of making fun of the entire medium. Also, this is shortly followed by the Can-Can, which is never a bad thing.
“Madamina,” W.A. Mozart, “Don Giovanni”: In this aria, we get a list of all of Don Giovanni’s conquests: 640 women in Italy, 231 in Germany, 100 in France, 91 in Turkey and 1003 in Spain. We also learn that the Don likes city girls, country girls, maids, countesses, blondes, brunettes, redheads and those in between. Basically, if it’s female, he’ll hit that. Some baritones feel that to the Don, it’s not all about having sex. Let them think that.
“The Coronation of Poppea,” Monteverdi: This is cheating, because it’s not just one song, it’s the entire opera. The entire opera is about sex, cheating and murder. The servants have raunchy duets, Nero and his court poet and Ottone and Drusilla do as well and Nero and Poppea sing at least three. It’s hard to narrow it down to one song. Rent the album.
“Habanera,” Georges Bizet, “Carmen”: “I’m hot and I know it, and if I set my sights on you, you’d better watch it baby.” That’s the essential plot of the song8212;only much more beautiful and lyrical8212;and with a chorus of gypsies backing up every one of Carmen’s claims.
All of these are available through iTunes, Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble under compilations such as Opera’s Greatest Love Songs and Amor8212;Opera’s Great Love Songs. Treat yourself to an album and bask in the joy of knowing that you are listening to some truly amazing music that would scandalize anyone who knew what they were actually saying.