This semester has been anything but a bed of roses in the world of relationships at the U.
Louie Sakoda, a senior in communication, punted a Sigma Chi’s pledge pin last weekend after the pledge cornered Sakoda and went in for a kiss. The pin was still on the pledge’s shirt during the punt and was unharmed. The pledge is suffering but will be up on his feet in time for his naked run with his other naked brothers through fraternity houses next Fall Semester.
“We aren’t allowed to run naked through the girls’ houses, but no one said anything about the boys’ houses,” the pledge said from his hospital bed.
The secret relationship between Clint Hugie, the former Synergy Party’s presidential candidate, and Erica Andersen, the GO Party’s senior class presidential candidate, recently became publicly known. Andersen was grateful for the support of Hugie in clinching her ASUU position.
“He’s such a great guy and I just don’t see why we have to keep our relationship secret anymore,” Andersen said. “I’m so lucky.”
Madison Warren, ASUU senior class president, was spotted canoodling with David Archuleta Tuesday night at Studio 600. Warren was wearing her “Sarah Palin” glasses, which she bought during the last election season, and had a Romney 2012 pin on her purse. Archuleta gave her a necklace engraved with “Protect Marriage” on the charm. The pair kept gazing at each other, and during one moment were spotted making out in a corner. Archuleta wore a frightened look but seemed overjoyed at the same time.
A love note from Max Hall was intercepted in a communication class yesterday by Paul Kruger. Kruger then read the note aloud for all to hear.
“Dear Chris Buttars: Since I threw the last two games for you, I expect you to keep your end of the deal and marry me,” Kruger read out loud.
Mrs. Austin Collie returned from a trip to Cancun two months ago where she was spotted with Brian Johnson on more than one occasion. Austin stayed behind in preparation for the NFL draft. The courtship of Collie and Johnson has long since ended, but the mysterious “baby bump” on Collie might prove that at least part of Johnson will be in the Collies’ life for a long time.
XOXO. You know you love me, Swoop.
Editor’s note8212;This story is not real. Happy April Fools’ Day!