We’ve all seen it, and many of us have even experienced it firsthand. The heated pounding away at the cell phone keyboard that has become indicative of a “texting war.” But what effect does texting actually have on our relationships? A recent study released by BYU researchers Lori Schade and Jonathan Sandberg explores this question.
The results of the study, published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy were surprising in that they weren’t all negative. What was clear is that texting can have both positive and negative effects, and it should be approached cautiously. While I agree that texting can be a positive force in a relationship, it is too often used inappropriately. In the end, we all need to put a lot more thought into our messages before we hit the send button and potentially unravel the relationships that we have painstakingly built.
It is important to note that the authors of this study made no claims about the causal effects of texting on our relationships. In fact, Schade and Sandberg said, “This study was simply designed as an exploratory analysis to begin examining how an increase of technology use in interpersonal romantic relationships might be tied to certain relationship markers.”
According to a BYU news release, some of the highlights of the study include lower relationship quality for women who use texts to apologize, work out differences or make decisions. It lessens the quality of the relationship for a man and relationship enhancement through expressing affection via text.
That being said, the study also said, “There is a large body of research indicating that negative communication can have an absorbing effect in a relationship and ultimately lead to destabilization and eventual dissolution.”
I personally have seen many stable relationships fall apart because it became impossible to communicate in person. Although embarrassing to admit, I have texted many people while sitting right next to them. We all fall prey to the lure of texting.
Along those lines, the study also imparted some words of warning, stating, “Partners need to understand that texting is devoid of important face-to-face cues, and that the messages have very real interpersonal effects in relationships.”
Anyone who has had a significant other and a cell phone — or even a best friend with a cell phone — has probably noticed all of these findings long before the BYU researchers did, especially during junior high and high school relationships. It is a nice reminder to think before you text, especially in this world where according to the United Nations, more people on Earth have access to cell phones than toilets (but that is a different problem entirely).
So moving forward, before we angrily hit “send,” let us all remember the words of Thumper in Disney’s “Bambi”: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
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