Anyone who has ever had an argument with the opposite sex knows that communications between the sexes are far from perfect. Differences in perception can create barriers that prevent us from understanding those we interact with. These barriers in communication can often place a great amount of strain on relationships — especially in romantic relationships. Yet while arguments and disagreements are often viewed as negative and even harmful to such relationships, this struggle between the sexes may be the very thing that bridges the gap between heterosexual couples.
Many avoid arguments with their significant other — and for good reason. Arguments can be stressful, painful and even destructive. Some simply feel they do not have the energy to engage in such an emotionally strenuous activity. Yet when issues of communication aren’t openly addressed between couples, individuals within the relationship often suffer from the very stresses and pains they would seek to escape by averting an argument. These unspoken tensions may seem benign, but if not resolved they have the potential to deteriorate the relationship more than a small dispute ever would. Engaging in respectful argument, however, shows a mutual respect and appreciation of both the individuals involved and the relationship itself.
This strategy may seem counter-intuitive at first. How could arguing possibly bring couples together? A 2012 study conducted among married couples revealed that 44 percent of those surveyed believe that more than one argument a week actually strengthens communication between couples. Constructive arguments are not used to demean or belittle the other person, but are used as a means of more completely addressing more complex concerns. When arguments involve personal attacks, uncontrolled emotions and inappropriate labeling, tensions can often run high and have disastrous results. When arguments are handled respectfully and with understanding, however, these more volatile arguments can be circumvented, allowing for healthier, happier relationships.
Another roadblock that can cause undue strain on relationships are arguments focusing on a partner’s flaws rather than the issue at hand. This argument style, known as “kitchen sinking,” is destructive because it focuses not on resolving conflict but on pointing out personal flaws and failings. When someone in a relationship feels they are being personally attacked, it becomes very difficult to resolve any true conflict within the relationship. This type of pitfall is common among couples, especially those who have been together for longer periods of time and who know each other well. When the object is to resolve conflict rather than prove a point or belittle the other person, however, argument becomes extremely valuable in strengthening the relationship.
It is important to keep in mind that while it is human nature to validate our own motives, conflict resolution has less to do with who’s right and more to do with how the differing views are expressed. While it is important to come to agreement on the issues that divide couples, it is often equally important to gain a deeper understanding of why the other person sees the issue the way they do. By attempting to understand the other side of the argument, we show that we value the other person and their opinion, even if we disagree with it. It is this assurance of mutual respect that has the power to bring couples together and sustain them through even the most difficult circumstances. Only by striving for mutual understanding can we become truly united both on in interpersonal level and in society as a whole.
With the complex issues presented with the interaction between the sexes, effective communication is vital. Conflict between couples is difficult; there is no denying that. Yet when we put our egos aside and focus on resolving issues and understanding others, these arguments can bring us closer together and allow our relationships a healthy, more understanding dialogue.