Due to the recent snowfall, it is now undeniable that global warming has been a hoax this entire time. Utah’s recently discovered 2015 winter has served as a wonderful reminder to all of us that climate isn’t really changing. The mutual exclusivity of snow and global warming is a well-documented scientific fact. This truth is known by the science-literate population and by conservatives from all walks of life.
Utah is a prime example of willingness to adopt and champion these new findings. One local voter told The Daily Utah Chronicle, “The lack of snow almost had me convinced of that ‘global warming’ thing, but then I saw some snow. I knew I shouldn’t have doubted what Pat Robertson told me.”
This discovery was foreshadowed by prominent senator James Inhofe (R-OK), whose famous biblical refutation of global warming and snowball defense have been lauded for their scientific accuracy and factual content. When asked about how he came up with such strong theories, Inhofe said, “I prayed day and night to Ronald Reagan. He gave me the revelations I have shared with you. Reagan bless you.”
Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT) was also reported as saying, “The recent snowfall is like any snowfall from my childhood, so the climate can’t possibly be changing!”
This recent conclusion, however, has been met with stark opposition by the denialists on the political left. Science watchdog Jim Rogers said, “The left has manipulated numbers to give the impression that there is an overwhelming majority of scientists who believe in this global warming crap. If they did a bit of research, they would know that over 31,000 scientists signed a petition to reject global warming. Thirty-one thousand is not a small comment, so this whole ‘overwhelming majority’ is obviously made up.”
When asked for comment about the recent findings, Green Party figurehead and environmental activist Roseanne Barr, responded by foaming at the mouth and passing out.
The rampant denial of the clear facts, while strong and incessant, has been combatted with expert precision by great minds such as Alex Jones and Glenn Beck. At a recent CPAC event, Representative Steve Scalise (R-LA) artfully and simply explained how wrong the left is to deny the facts when he said, “Since he talked about global warming at his inauguration, I found it ironic that the President was wearing a trench coat. It was so cold, but he’s talking about global warming.”
In response to a quote by John Kerry, evangelical television host Pat Robertson refuted Kerry by saying, “I don’t know where Kerry has been spending his time, but maybe he’s so wealthy they have a special house that has tropical plants in it so he feels like he’s in the tropics, but for the rest of us, it’s been cold as the Dickens!”
It would seem to be evident that global warming is a lie, but the opposition continues to deny clear scientific truth. This denialism by the left is, unfortunately, something all of us need to be vigilant against if we are to properly defend the facts.
This content is intended as fictionalized, satirical work. Events and ideas presented in this piece should be viewed as fictional.