College is a time of low cash flow for all students. From tuition bills to housing bills to buying Panda Express at the Union every day, extra money can seem like a rare commodity. But whether you’ve got some extra cash to spend or are barely scraping by, one thing is certain: Spending money on Amazon.com is a necessity.
Students can order anything online at any time and have it sent to any place within days. Anything is possible on Amazon. It is a marvel of human accomplishment. However, this “retail freedom” has caused many problems in students’ budgeting plans.
“I can admit that I am guilty of purchasing many articles of Pokemon paraphernalia on Amazon,” said Greg Cards, a freshman in Generation II. “You could argue that the items were not ‘necessities,’ but I would strongly disagree. I had to have them for Pokemon Club. It was a critical college expenditure. I have to keep up on my extracurriculars.”
“Where else can you buy Birkenstocks in the winter?” said Chase Toe, a medical student in podiatry. “They are a crucial part of my wardrobe year-round.”
Most students have used Amazon for pertinent dorm decorations and adornments.
“I had to have posters of bikini chicks in my room,” said Joe Swoll, a freshman in furniture moving. “All the guys have them. Everyone has to know how masculine we are.”
There are many items on Amazon that simply aren’t available in the Utah market. With the growth of the Internet, students have developed desires for things that are simply not available in the United States.
“I have bought an embarrassing amount of Rubik’s Cubes from China since I started college,” said Suze Clix, a junior in mind games. “I have a lot more time on my hands now.”
“I had to have that black and white poster of Taylor Swift with red lipstick,” said Jane White, sophomore in Starbucks lattes. “Without it, my apartment would look like no one lives there.”
Amazon also offers a Prime TV service that has become quite popular among college students.
“I like to think of it as Netflix’s ugly cousin,” said Swoll. “It’s not as pretty or exciting, but it will do.”
The service offers movies and TV shows for streaming but does not offer the same variety as Netflix. However, students are drawn by the free trial and the more obscure programs that are available, such as “The Wonder Pets and The White Queen.”
“I had to get Amazon Prime TV,” Clix said. “They have the first season of Dora the Explorer. Everyone knows the first season is the best.”
It would seem as though Amazon is necessary for college survival. These critical online expenditures should be incorporated into students’ budgets.
“I ordered bead curtains for my doors,” said Jade Bohemian, freshman in hipster studies. “They really tie my vintage ambiance together. I can’t just order a vintage record player and not have bead curtains, I mean, really.”
This content is intended as fictionalized, satirical work. Events and ideas presented in this piece should be viewed as fictional.