Summer is great. School’s out, so all you’ve got to worry about is staying cool. Unfortunately, that’s not always so easy. So we’ve done you a favor and come up with a list of ten things YOU can do this summer to stay as cool as a cucumber.
1. Wear Your Hat Backwards
Nothing says, “I’m cool,” like wearing fashion accessories the exact opposite way of their intended functional use. You know what else is cool? Sun burns.
2. Have an iPhone
Seriously, at this point if you don’t have an iPhone, it’s probably because you secretly WANT to be a social outcast.
3. Be Attractive
Not only do you have to be physically attractive to be cool, but you also have to make sure other people know that you’re attractive. You should post at least one selfie a day to remind people of how attractive and cool you are.
4. Wear Designer Jeans With Holes In Them
You might ask yourself if it’s worth it to pay an extra hundred dollars for a pair of jeans that look like they’ve been run through a wood chipper. But cool people don’t ask themselves questions. They act impulsively and fuel American capitalism.
5. Have an Exotic Profile Picture
Cool people travel. So wherever you go, be sure to snap a cool picture of yourself in front of the Eiffel Tower, or climbing Machu Pichu, or hugging a little African kid. Anything that will make your friends say, “Wow, their life is so much cooler than mine.”
6. Listen to Pop Music
If you’re listening to music that’s interesting, innovative, emotional, poignant, or fresh, you’re doing something wrong. Stay within the comfortable confines of the iTunes Top Ten Songs list.
7. Wear Sunglasses
Let your inferiors know that your superior coolness is so staggering that you are above granting them eye contact. Also, they say the eyes are the window to the soul, but that’s cheesy and stupid and definitely not cool. So cover those babies up.
8. Be A Bandwagon Fan
If a team makes a splash in free agency and suddenly becomes the favorite to win the championship, immediately order their new star player’s jersey. Commence trash talking.
9. Eat McDonald’s
Sure, it MIGHT be disgusting filth with the nutritional value of roadkill, but it’s FREAKING MCDONALD’S! Just look at their commercials. Everyone enjoying their food is young, attractive, multi-ethnic, and above all, cool. And definitely not actors…
10. Drive Around With Your Windows Down and the Volume Up
It’s not enough for you to enjoy the latest Drake song. You need to roll up your windows and turn it up all the way so everyone within a mile can bask in your heavy bass laden musical taste.