“Grow a pair.” “Don’t cry.” “Be a man.” “Don’t pussy out.” Being a feminist/egalitarian, I realize that being a woman in 2015 is really, really hard — but I wouldn’t be completely truthful if I didn’t elaborate on the fact that it’s probably even harder to be a young male.
Societal standards thrive on using the media to sculpt each person’s self-perception into a certain mold, based on a multitude of distinguishing characteristics. For example: are you a woman? If you are, here are some requirements you must make priority if you are to achieve your alleged ideal life goal (which, as you have may been told from birth by magazines, Disney movies and horribly repetitive Nicholas Sparks novels, is to find your dream husband, move to the suburbs and drive a Range Rover): have long, shiny, voluminous hair that you consistently take the time to do every morning; wear tight-fitting clothing (but not too tight — it’s important to leave something to the imagination, and you’ll be left on your own to figure out the balance); always smile at strangers when they tell you to; and have 6-pack abs. Are you a man? Here’s your own personal, societally-induced checklist: do not, under any circumstances, show your true emotions; put a lot of effort into having sex with a large amount of partners, and make sure you tell all of your friends just how often you do; play lots of sports; and make lots of money. Are you fat? Well, apparently your only hope in life is to make yourself look skinny, or, better, yet, become skinny, and all of your wildest dreams will somehow come true.
For young men today, the stigmas of masking emotion and toughing out problematic situations merely to save face have now been ingrained into the way we are raised, how we communicate and what we think “being a man” entails. In light of the recent shooting near the U campus, I think it’s important to discuss just what makes young males so prone to self-harm, violence and anger. In 2013, approximately 4 men for every 1 woman committed suicide. Looking up “2015 major school shootings,” almost every single result involved a young, white, male shooter.
From the time they are young children, males get a pretty clear image from the media that their deep, emotional expressions are frowned upon. They are encouraged, rather, to bottle up thoughts and emotions, instead of openly talking them through and asking for advice and opinions from friends and family. This habit carries over into even menial tasks, such as carefully regarding instructions, or asking for directions. Rather than following the flow of society and accepting different personality traits and characteristics in individuals, these traits continue to be passed down and encouraged, resulting in feelings of insecurity, lowered self-esteem and occasionally, in the worst situations, mental instability and the wish to harm one’s self.
If today’s definition of “normal” is a switch towards more confidence in one’s ability to be unique, I think the importance of spreading a positive message towards males at a young age cannot be stressed enough. The message needs to focus on the fact that strength is shown in discussion, in having the courage to ask for help and in knowing that living up to some unrealistic expectation of an impractical version of yourself is not only unnecessary, but destructive.