Imagine that you and the love of your life decide to prove the strength of your relationship to the world by getting matching tattoos. This ink will forever signify the commitment you’ve made to each other and how whole your love is. You step into the parlor, nervous but masking your emotion to prove to your girlfriend that you are the brave, committed man she always knew you to be. Your artist has completed about half of your infinity symbol when, out of nowhere, your girl gets up, walks out and doesn’t look back.
This scenario is just one of many being portrayed by the trending Twitter hashtag “#WasteHisTime2016.” The idea is that men have been getting away with “relationship murder” for ages, while their female counterparts look on, suffering blindly — never knowing what their partner may be doing, whether or not he’s been cheating or whether he is telling the truth.
When I first began reading these Tweets — small scenarios that drive home the idea that women have suffered the same time-wasters for years — I found them amusing, merely because of how ridiculous they seemed.
But when I looked deeper into the posts and responses surrounding the hashtag, I realized that many people, in their efforts to make a point about gender and society, are really just being inconsiderate. In reality, they are driving back the progress we have made toward a more level emotional and societal playing field. A lot of subtweets and connecting posts describe this issue as “feminist ways to waste men’s time.” As a self-proclaimed “fourth-wave” feminist, it saddens me to think that men and women alike have stooped figuring out who can be the “worst” in a relationship.
Without overlooking the years of systematic women’s oppression, I believe this solution is ineffective. Rather than stooping to the level of both men and women who have taken advantage of the emotions of fellow human beings, we are going to have to rise above if we want anything to change. Phrases such as “boys will be boys” or “that’s just what girls do” confine us to boxes, making it harder for people to realize they are capable of so much more, including better communication and higher levels of commitment.
By allowing the idea that getting mad or getting even is a justifiable or normal response to negligence or cruelty in relationships, we only recreate the ebb and flow of unfair social standards. So instead of wasting his OR her time in 2016, commit to good relationships and open channels of communication. Let’s focus on making the internet a more friendly, accepting place the only way we know how — by reposting dog Vines and pictures of Ryan Gosling.