There are people who attribute their success, at some level, to envy. Some say it’s healthy to be jealous, insecure and dissatisfied because it fuels the desire to be better – to work harder to match others’ successes and reap the rewards. But while I can somewhat attest to the marginal positive side effects of an envious perspective, I don’t agree that it’s a healthy one to have all the time, especially if it’s the only one shaping your goals and driving your long-term success.
Envy is something I’m sure everyone has experienced. But to allow it to overrule a more positive and healthy perspective isn’t necessary. It leads to comparisons and can cause excessive self-ridicule. And, in the words of long-time actress Mary-Louise Parker, “When you compare yourself to others, you’re never going to win.” It’s true. There will always be someone better than you at something: someone more attractive, someone who has higher academic credentials, more valuable work experience, more friends, more money or more free time. This list goes on. In comparing yourself to others you’re keeping yourself from the feeling of self-fulfillment after doing your very best at any given time. If you’re going to compare and compete, do it against yourself. Don’t let someone else’s achievements dictate what you aspire to do. Understand your own capabilities, your own limits, do your personal best and always push yourself to improve. As long as you do and expect that of yourself, there is no reason to feel less than successful.
Now, internalizing your competitiveness doesn’t mean you don’t let other people inspire you, or that you don’t learn from the actions of others. Sometimes observing others helps to put your own capabilities in perspective. “Could I do that, too?” Instead of complaining that your boss promoted your colleague instead of you, take the time to understand why she was picked, and if it makes sense to you, try to improve yourself in the same way. It’s okay to allow someone to set an example and motivate you if it’ll help to ensure that you’re improving where you might not have thought you needed to in a way that leads to personal fulfillment and doesn’t drag anyone else down. And, keeping this in mind, you’ll never be considered that pain in the butt to work and associate with around the office. The same applies outside of the workplace. Learn from the behaviors of your peers, of your friends and family, and follow suit if their actions and methods of reaching their goals seem applicable to you.
I’ve always been taught that you should approach improvement from a positive angle rather than a negative one. When you make criticisms, don’t emphasize the negatives. Instead of telling someone that what they’re doing is wrong, or stupid, start by talking about what they’re doing right, and how they can improve upon that to get even better results. Envy, just like excessive negative ridicule, leads to a dark, cynical feeling of contempt for others and their accomplishments. Sure, it pushes some people into more successful outcomes, and maybe so does blatant, insensitive criticism. But at what cost? Envy leads to low overall satisfaction, even after you’ve done your best. It also leads to discontent, to a tendency to drag others down to make yourself look and feel “better.” It isn’t healthy, and it’s counterproductive to society as a whole. Do your best – your own, personal best. Be mindful of your own actions, capabilities and limits in relation to others’, but still learn from people without letting your “green monster” rule over your motivation and drive.