Everyone loves autumn and all the things that go with it: the clothes, the holidays and, of course, the comfort food. But with comfort food and the stress of class also comes some holiday weight and promises to ourselves that we’re going to go to the gym and work it off. Some of us are strong enough to keep our word, but if you’re like me, the very idea of going to the gym and exhausting yourself in front of other people frightens you to your very core.
Some people find a gym membership motivating, as if paying actual money will encourage you to work out. Even though money is involved, it’s still difficult to get to the gym on a regular basis — then you’re trapped paying 15-50 dollars a month to a business that feeds on insecurity.
Many bodybuilders enjoy the equipment a gym supplies. But what if you’re not a bodybuilder and don’t know how to use them? You put your foot where your arm is supposed to go or you pull on some kind of wire that you’re not supposed to and the whole thing comes crashing down on you and you break every bone in your body. Probably the worst of all is the Zumba classes. The idea sounds fun right? Synchronized dancing with a large group of people, jumping around everywhere and listening to fun music. No way you’re the only clumsy one there right? Wrong. As it turns out, everyone has done this class a thousand times and loves to do cardio and is super coordinated and you’re the only one who can’t keep up.
The gym is probably the worst place on Earth for people like me. It’s a personal hell. Lucky for us, we don’t actually have to go to the gym to stay fit.
Other than fear of judgement, most reasons people don’t go to the gym is because they don’t have time, money or don’t know how to use the equipment. But we don’t need equipment to exercise. What we need is our bodies, some furniture, maybe a buddy, some music to get you pumped up, or a TV show to distract from the burning pain in your muscles.
Need to work out your arms and your abs? Have a pillow handy? Good. Now get down on the floor, get into a push up position, put the pillow directly beneath your head, then drop down until your head hits the pillow then push yourself back up. That way you know you’re going down all the way and you’re not smacking your head on the floor. Pick a song and do those push-ups until the very end.
Time to work out your abdominal muscles. You’ll need a bed or a couch, a buddy and lots of trust. Have your buddy sit to the back back of the couch or to the wall. Then straddle them, make sure they have your legs locked up tight so that you don’t slip. Cross your hands over your chest. Lay all the way back over the edge and sit all the way back up. Only go back down when you can smack your buddy in the forehead. Do these sit-ups either for a whole song or until you can’t breathe. The bed or couch gives comfort so that your butt doesn’t hurt from laying on the ground for a long period of time and you also don’t have to slam your head against the floor. Bonus: the silly position will probably force you to laugh, causing you to burn more calories.
You can’t skip leg day. If you have heels, put those on and walk to class. Leg day over. Thanks to high heels, everyday is leg day for me. For those who don’t have a pair of heels, you need your buddy again. Both of you lay on the ground with a pillow under each of your heads, push your feet against each other’s and do bicycle runs or just wrestle with them. The first one to drop their legs loses.
Everything I just described you can google and you can google many more serious at-home workout routines.
The bottom line is exercising is going to suck no matter where you do it, so you might as well do it in the comfort of your own home where you can be as silly or awkward as you naturally are.