Western society often teaches that college is the time we should find out who we are. We’re sent off with a textbook and the notion that we as young, adventurous individuals must “discover ourselves” while away from home and immersed in an educational environment. After all, aside from landing a reasonable salary after graduation, isn’t that what college is for? People spend their first years taking European film courses, joining alternative clubs and participating in protests, even when they may not entirely know what’s being picketed. We’re supposed to figure out our political beliefs, whether we stand behind a religion, work through frustrating moral gray zones, decide on a career that suits us and maybe find the perfect companion to spend the rest of our lives with. It can be hard, even scary, to have so much pressure to figure out who we are and who we’d like to be. Is it really healthy and necessary to put so much strain on a young individual to have themselves all figured out by the time they’re out of college? Is it ever a good idea to have yourself completely figured out? Is that even possible? Chinese wisdom and Confucius say otherwise and I have to agree.
Figuring out who you are and who you’re going to become can be liberating. You have the entire world at your fingertips and you get to attack your future however you see fit. College gives the most freedom to explore who you’ll be before you’re more or less locked into a single career/life track. That’s also where a big chunk of the stress kicks in.
What if we can’t figure out what we really like, or what we really stand for? What if we sell out? What if we never find passion in our work? What if finding ourselves isn’t as easy as we thought it would be?
These concerns are common. Very few people find it easy to decide on a future and career that sustain their desired lifestyle and through which they find passion and fulfillment. Even the most secure, self-defined and confident individual can struggle with choosing the right educational path and career.
Why is this? Why is it so difficult for most people to figure themselves out and find an appropriate professional match? Self-discovery, like most really serious issues, is not black and white. It’s not a matter of trial and error to get to complete personal understanding, which most of us may never reach. Nobody is either one thing or another in any category and our innate complexities make it difficult to pinpoint who we really are as individuals while trying to be individualistic, authentic and also true. Confucius recognized this element of human nature to be a sort of “glorious mess” within people. He embraced it.
The key is to recognize that people are inconsistent. We’re always changing because we’re always learning. This is good because it means we’re growing. We’re bettering ourselves. Every day we’re more experienced and knowledgeable. It is unreasonable to expect a twenty-something-year-old to understand themselves completely when they don’t have the years behind them to showcase experience, awareness, exploration and knowledge necessary for completely self-informed decision-making. Sure, they may have enough experience to make a decision about their future that will work down the road regardless of whether they’re a completely different person, but emphasizing self-discovery and identification leads to unattainable expectations. This isn’t healthy. I think it’s important for college students to know they don’t ever have to have it all figured out. While your major and career path do matter, there is still room to reassess and redirect if things don’t feel right. Expect change, and embrace it as best you can, because progress matters too.