There is no phrase that’s more overused when it comes to gift-giving than “it’s the thought that counts.” Although I agree with the spirit of the message and wholeheartedly endorse thoughtful gifts, I feel like those who say this often miss the point. Recognizing that gift-giving is about the message is not simply a license to spend less but a call to a different kind of gift-giving. I recommend trying to give a truly homemade gift.
I certainly appreciate the spirit of trying to minimize the role of money in what has become a materialistic holiday. If thinking about the “thought” behind a gift can allow someone to give a less expensive item, I won’t discourage it. But what does it mean to put thought behind a present?
The issue is that people have stopped thinking about what it really means to give a personal gift. It is well and good to want to avoid giving a materialistic Christmas gift, but it is another thing to actually accomplish this through time, attention and thought. Shopping at smaller stores doesn’t necessarily make a gift more personal. Rather, giving a personal gift requires taking the time to think about a person and considering your relationship with them.
Many people decide not to give a homemade gift because they feel they are not creative enough. Unfortunately, this results in a misunderstanding of what makes a good gift. A homemade gift doesn’t have to be the result of some unique skill that you have, nor does it have to take a long time to make. I can certainly appreciate the time and effort that can be put into some arts and crafts that are eventually sent as Christmas gifts. I do not, however, believe those are the gold standard for homemade presents.
A homemade gift simply requires you to think hard about your relationship with someone. If you’ve known someone a long time and have spent a good deal of time with them, you know some of their thoughts, desires and attitudes. A thoughtful gift simply has to be a token of your time together, a reminder of all the experiences you have shared. Every friendship worth a homemade gift has at least one or two memorable moments that can be called to mind. Those are the moments that can be the basis for the homemade gift.
Saying “it’s the thought that counts” requires us to reconsider what a gift means. Today we often think of gifts as being useful or enjoyable, serving some kind of purpose for the recipient. Saying that the thought matters is recognizing that gifts are a consideration, a social token of our relationships that can serve as a reminder of the time spent with someone. This recognition means understanding that gifts do not necessarily have to be useful or expensive.
In this view, anyone can make a homemade gift for the ones they care about. In fact, you are the person who would best know the kind of gift the person would want. By thinking of the gift as a recognition of your relationship, you can understand what it truly means to give and what it truly means to think about someone else. If you have spent enough time with them you can understand your relationship in a unique way and can give a gift that represents that.
What does this mean concretely? Well, only you can know what gifts are right for the people in your life, but I can give an example of my own. Last year I stressed out over what to give my old roommate. It occurred to me to remember some of the memories we shared together, like frequent coffee-fueled study sessions. The decision to give him premium coffee seemed like an obvious way to remind us both of good times.