Ruben Robinson, a muscular, 6-foot-3 tattooed man sits down next to me on what at first seemed to be a large couch, but now seems much smaller when consumed by his body. Raised on an all-white compound, Robinson became a victim of addiction and domestic abuse at 9 years old. His road to recovery seems to inspire everyone he meets, including the students in the middle schools he presents to across Salt Lake City. His life provides an example of the reality of growing up in a house of drugs, abuse, domestic violence and other heinous crimes. He now goes through life sharing his opinion that everyone needs to find a silver lining though their hard times, take responsibility for their actions and have the courage to search for the light at the end of the tunnel.

The story of his struggle with addiction is one that few have ever heard before. From being forced to sleep in a cage with untrained pitbulls to having an axe thrown at him and cracking his skull, Robinson’s life has been an uphill climb to where he is now. It started when his father gave him his first shot of methamphetamine in elementary school at 9 years old, and that spiraled into heroine, meth and steroid addictions.

“Growing up my life was extremely painful, so I would usually try to stay with friends or uncles as much as possible to avoid going home,” Robinson said. “I moved out when I was 16. I ran my own meth lab to put myself though high school and college.”

‘Meth was like breathing air’ 

Robinson had two abusive parents who ran their own illegal businesses, one being the meth labs his father ran under their roof, the other his mom’s prostitution ring she ran for Robinson’s eight sisters.

“It was really hard for me to understand what was going on at that age because there was so many different men coming in and out of my home at one time,” he said with furrowed brows as he looked down.

Being raised in an all-white compound, Robinson was taught that “if it isn’t white, it isn’t right.” In other words, black people were the enemy. At 13 years old, Robinson saw his first black man in a grocery store. He was shocked and filled with confusion.

“It was traumatic for me because I had only read about them in the books,” Robinson said.

Being raised by a racist family, he was left naive and hateful.

“I got into many fights and struggled a lot with other races because of my ignorance and the way that I would speak to them,” Robinson said.

Robinson believes many people who are racist are just ignorant and were raised by parents who drilled that idea into their heads.

The way Robinson speaks about his past in such a candid and reverent way makes it obvious he has told his story many times before. Robinson, unlike a lot of the people he grew up around, could see that violence wasn’t the answer. Instead, he became protective of the women in his family. He holds a strong belief people are a product of their environment until they learn to grow out of their old ways and defy what they once were.

“One of the things I told in my timeline in rehab this year was that we used to raise pitbulls. We had a big dog kennel in our back yard and when my dad would come home either drunk or high, trying to get on my sisters, I would try to avert the attention onto me, and he would then beat me and throw me outside to sleep with the dogs in the dog kennel,” Robinson said. “That was a reoccurring thing almost every single day.”

His father ended up going to prison when Robinson was 16. That was when he decided to move out and create his own drug dealing business. At first, it was all about getting high and the feeling the drugs would provide. Then, it became more about the money he would get from selling the drugs. He made enough money to live on his own and put himself through high school and some college.

“I was a functioning addict,” Robinson said. “Meth was like breathing air for me.”

Road to Recovery

Robinson’s road to recovery has influenced his strong opinions and beliefs about addiction and the stigma behind it. He feels as though one of his purposes is to share his story and debunk the reputation that drug addiction is a preordained disease, an excuse he believes people use as a justification for addiction.

“You have to take responsibility for your own actions,” Robinson said. “Sometimes addicts tend to blame their biological makeup for their poor decisions. They use their addiction as a crutch to not face school, pain, work, whatever it may be.”

Robinson explains that in some cases it is a person’s biological burden that leaves them prone to addiction. For example, “heroin babies,” babies conceived by mothers using meth/heroin during pregnancy, have a higher chance of addiction, a circumstance similar to Robinson’s situation with addiction starting at a young age. However, he thinks these people, himself included, still have to take the responsibility for their addiction as a whole.

Robinson has been hospitalized multiple times due to drug overdoses. He has died and been revived a total of three times. But on Feb. 10, 2017, he had a wake-up call. On this day, his ex-girlfriend tried to have someone kill him by throwing a hatchet at his head, which ended up cracking his skull.

“When I woke up in the hospital from that experience, not knowing who I was, where I was, or the things I had been through, it sent me into a spiral of wanting to change,” Robinson said.

Not many people see addiction first-hand or ever experience it in their lives. Due to media constantly glorifying drugs and alcohol, people justify their actions of indulging in these substances by thinking it comes with no consequences.

“When I say that addiction isn’t a disease, it’s a choice, I didn’t have that choice,” Robinson said. “That choice got taken from me at a young age.”

Silver Lining

As for others, Robinson wants people to be aware that a life of drug and alcohol addiction is not pretty.

“I hurt a lot of people and lost a lot of friends and family,” Robinson said. “My ex-wife, my parents and seven out of my eight sisters are dead because of drugs.”

When I asked him if there was any silver lining in his life story, he humbly replied.

“The silver lining, I would have to say, is that I had to go through the experiences I had to go through so no one else had to,” Robinson said. “I learned to take care of myself and other people, and I gained a very protective instinct for my friends and my family. I can see the warning signs for how things are going to play out.”

Robinson has a daughter who he loves, and he is trying his best to provide her the life he didn’t have, including preventing her from going down the road of substance abuse.

“The best way to prevent addiction is to have knowledge of it and to educate the public about the realities of it,” Robinson said. “A lot of people see what the public sees and displays, and they don’t get to see the raw side of addiction.”

If you find yourself a victim of drug or alcohol abuse, you can contact The University of Utah’s Addiction Recovery Services with questions at 801-583-2500. The U provides rehab services, and more information on the issue. The Salt Lake City Crisis Hotline for drug abuse is (801) 587-3000.

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