A gender pay gap still exists in almost all occupations. But in male-dominated fields, women face more sexual harassment, stereotyping, anxiety and stress, and struggle to advance in their respective careers. The culture created in male-dominated environments often pressures women to “act like men” to fit in. Advice columns have suggested behaving more like the societal expectations of men: speaking out of turn, refraining from apologizing and being more unemotional.

Telling women to change the way they act to fit into male stereotypes of what a good worker looks like discourages true diversity. Environments, especially male-dominated ones, should shift to the growing number of different groups occupying them.

Women’s Behaviors vs. Men’s

Men are typically more rude, uncivil and confrontational. In male-dominated fields, these behaviors have become linked to success because men were and still are at the top. Women apologize far more than men because studies have found that we have a lower threshold for what seems offensive.

Studies show that women are not viewed as experts compared to men, concluding that “it’s not actual expertise but perceived expertise that conveys power and status.”

I spoke with a student, a woman studying finance who has been granted anonymity by The Daily Utah Chronicle, who commented on the lack of women in her classes and the associated pressure she feels to emulate the men’s aggressive, loud personalities. “You feel like you have to talk like they do and you have to act like they do and you have to be loud to keep this up,” she said.

“I think that’s how you gain their respect … they see you not as other,” she said.

But these typically male traits don’t guarantee success. Female leaders are proven to have greater interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence. In a study by the Pew Research Center, 43% of individuals thought that women made better workplaces than men, compared to 5% who thought the opposite.

Why This is Harmful to Equality

The advice for women to “act like men” is subtle, but most women in male-dominated fields have heard it. A male professor once told me, “Stop apologizing so much, you sound insecure.” A female mentor once told me to “have blind confidence like men.”

While these may sound like comments that inspire women to take charge, such language further perpetuates the norm that male traits are best. Apologizing is a weakness — being loud and confident equates to success. These misogynistic messages communicate that women must abandon their natural actions to fit in.

Apologizing is not a weakness, it demonstrates that you care and have a concern about another’s wellbeing. Being conscientious of others is a strength in every environment. Listening instead of assuming you are the best in the room helps workplaces flourish, unburdened by egos. This builds great relationships with others and creates a supportive and understanding team.

Embracing Greater Diversity

Our workplaces are becoming more diverse, so ignoring this change by encouraging everyone to act more like one group is unrealistic. Diversity is linked to creativity — facilitating opportunities for employees to move up the ladder and more well-thought-out decisions.

Women succeeding in the workplace isn’t the end-all-be-all in the fight for full equality. True equality is allowing women to act as they would like to without the societal molds and expectations to act a certain way.

The aforementioned student I spoke with wishes for men to work towards “understanding the implications that their behavior and language has on the women.”

Acting “like a man” isn’t going to disguise the fact that I am a woman. No differences in male and female emotional sensitivity have been found, and yet we will continue to face criticism for being “too sensitive.” No matter how outspoken or aggressive women are, one in eight Americans still believe we can’t emotionally handle being public officials. Acting “like a man” isn’t helpful, it simply allows toxic masculinity in workplaces to continue.

In her toxic male-dominated environment the student said, “It also makes me lose a part of myself … trying to blend in with the boys and act like the boys. I feel like I lose a lot of my femininity and what makes me different as a woman also makes me special in a lot of ways.”

Being able to apologize or listen are powerful skills everyone can achieve, not a bad feminine trait. While being confident is an important lesson for women, we shouldn’t pressure each other to hold up a facade to try and succeed. As women, we will face negative stereotypes and challenges no matter how we act. It’s best to be authentically yourself. Our workplaces and school environments should start to embrace this belief as well.

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