Sexual violence has become so synonymous with college campuses to the point of near complacency. It is so deeply rooted in university culture and is only further enabled by institutions such as Greek life. So much so that when assault does happen, it is often viewed not as a unique experience, but expected.

Despite a growing effort to change this narrative, the issue persists with little indicators of stopping anytime soon. Lectures that seek to address this subject often fall on deaf ears and misunderstand the social dynamics at the root of this epidemic. They leave men feeling villainized instead of empowered to be the change.

Preventing sexual assault lies not in demonizing men as a whole. It lies in encouraging men to have uncomfortable conversations and hold each other accountable.

Changing the Narrative  

One in five women experience sexual assault on college campuses. This doesn’t even include the 90% of sexual assault cases that go unreported.

Sexual violence may be commonplace, but that does not mean it is an inherent aspect of life. Understanding how society fails to raise men correctly before attacking them for being products of their environment is crucial.

“Society as a whole is equipped to support men, and to uplift men and to be sure that men are not uncomfortable,” said Bonny Shade, a sexual violence speaker and educator who offered a refreshingly unique take on the conversation during Greek week. Shade approaches this topic differently, subverting expectations from the usual narrative presented on this subject.

As a former Greek life member and a victim of sexual assault herself, Shade’s expertise makes her the perfect candidate for connecting with men and inspiring change on college campuses.

Fearmongering men into compliance is no way to educate them, according to Shade. It is not effective to tell men to not engage in certain behaviors because of the consequences. Rather, men must be taught to empathize, to connect and to be better men without incentive.

Believe in Men

99% of sexual assault perpetrators are male, making it difficult to argue against the motivation to vilify men as a whole. While it is true that it may be deserved, that does not mean it is productive.

While it is very easy to make men feel like monsters, it is much more difficult to make monsters realize that they’re human.

Educators must approach the conversation believing in men’s willingness to change. “Educators will often err on the side of caution, which means living in a world of extremes and doesn’t get into the detail or the nuance of it,” said Shade. “Despite the detail and the nuance of it being the only way that we can prevent sexual violence.”

Men often leave lectures with a lot of new knowledge on the subject, but ultimately lack any practical road map of how to improve.

The conversation surrounding consent is a prime example. Many speakers define it as a yes or no subject, while it is much more complicated in practice, especially when substances are involved. That said, Shade shares many countermeasures that can be taken to avoid becoming another statistic.

Shade describes this as making a one-degree shift in the right direction. Stopping sexual assault is not a complete 180 turnaround that can be accomplished in an hour. It is the culmination of multiple actions over a long period of time that cause real change.

Greek Life’s Capacity for Good

Within Greek life, fraternity men are three times more likely to engage in sexual violence and sorority women are 74% more likely to be victims of sexual violence than their non-Greek counterparts.

This statistic looms over every college campus and every member of Greek life. It is their reputation and their identity. It is not undeserved.

Shade attributes this to the world of fraternities being “a men-only circle of influence.” This shifts how members see the world, their place in it, what they believe and how they ultimately show up. Despite this, writing fraternities off as a stain on college campuses is very easy, with many universities opting to remove them entirely.

However, it is this exact mentality which only serves to perpetuate violence. On one hand, Greek life puts men in positions of power which enables them to take advantage of women. On the other hand, it has the potential to be the sole contributor to holding men accountable and leaving them better off than when they found it.

“A fraternity is not the last place you go to be a boy, it’s the first place you go to be a man,” Shade said.

Men are not children that need to be coddled, nor are they monsters to be demonized.

They are products of their environment: an environment that has been ignored for far too long.

As much as men are the problem, they are also the solution. Consequences that only exist to scare men into compliance will never succeed in truly changing men for the better.

Believe in men.

Teach them to have uncomfortable conversations, not only with each other but with themselves — it is the only way to invoke real change.

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@timpa.chronicle