- The Daily Utah Chronicle

ASUU Creates Developmental Basketball League

By By Biatrice Samsonite, Comical Stringer • April 28, 2002

Frustrated by the dual responsibility of facing a grossly large budget and the loss to the staff of the Daily Utah Chronicle in its annual basketball game, the Associated Students of the University of Utah (ASUU) announced today they would create an inner-office developmental basketball league to help mold budding, young talent into a cohesive unit that actually stands a chance against the Chrony.

Arthur Andersen, Enron and Johnny Cochrane All to Help out the U

By By Mr. Tasty, Comical Opinion Columnist • April 28, 2002

As a result of Utah's slowing economy and just plain slow state Legislature, the U is getting a smaller and smaller portion of the state budget pie every year. The money stream is dwindling faster than Mitt Romney's hair stylist's supply of gel. Budget cuts have gone from reasonable to totally out of hand.

Gerontology Center Sick of Being Picked On

By By Fats McClure, guy who took an architecture class once • April 28, 2002

The U's gerontology center celebrated its 30-year anniversary Saturday in the Union Ballroom to mostly positive aplomb. Students, faculty and citizens of all ages gathered together to talk about gerontology, to eat and to otherwise celebrate. However, the night was unfortunately marred by an unsavory, ageist comment directed toward the center itself.

President Upset About Free Safe Sex

By By Aurelie Dunn, Comical News Writer • April 28, 2002

Outraged by a misreading of a Students for Choice flier, the U's administration made a bold move Saturday, threatening to close the organization's campus chapter. U President Bernie Machine addressed ASUU regarding his concerns of inappropriate misconduct on campus when learning about a "Safe Sex Summer" celebration at the Union Patio on Monday.

Police Report: Passed Out U Sports Fan Booked in Jail

April 28, 2002

Dude passes out in bathroom?U police were called to deal with a man passed out in a restroom at Rice-Eccles Stadium during a sports event there. The man had passed out in the doorway and people had to step over him to use the restroom. He was awakened and taken out of the stadium by the police who eventually booked him into jail because there was no room in the detox facility.

Letter to the Editor: Out-of-State Students Must Voice Opinions

By By Jessica Bagley, Junior, Occupational Therapy, By Jessica Bagley, Junior, Occupational Therapy, and By Jessica Bagley, Junior, Occupational Therapy • April 27, 2002

Editor: Attention all nonresident students! Because of a new state law, you may have to pay out-of-state tuition for a full year longer than you planned. For me personally, the difference is $6,000. A statement issued by the U admissions office explains: "The Utah State Legislature has revised the law that governs residency for tuition purposes.

The Real Value of a College Education

By , , and • April 27, 2002

Last Saturday as I sat in front of a computer for six hours grinding out a final paper, a thought occurred to me: "What on earth am I doing?" This isn't the first time I've had this thought. I have it every time the end of the semester rolls around. When big papers start coming due and finals begin chomping at my sanity like a huge, insatiable time-eating beast, I really begin to wonder why I became a college student.

Postman Arrested for Alleged Terrorist Ties

By , , and • April 27, 2002

NEW YORK?For years, Ahmed Abdel Sattar seemed a friendly, mild-mannered postman?who happened to know a lot of terrorists. Now the government says there was a reason for that: He was a terrorist, too. Sattar is being held without bail on charges of helping a blind Egyptian cleric deliver a message of hate across the world from behind bars.

U Men’s Tennis Loses Last Two; Is 4th at MWCs

April 27, 2002

The U men's tennis team finished its Las Vegas trip to the Mountain West Conference Championships in fourth place. Following an impressive first- round win over UNLV, 4-3, the Utes could not get past San Diego State, losing 4-0 (in the MWCs, once a team has won four matches, the other matches are then stopped immediately, as there is no reason to continue them because a winner is already determined).

White Defeats Red in Spring Football Game

April 27, 2002

The first scoring attempt of Saturday's Red-White Game involving the U football team went awry when the White squad, despite the lack of a disallowed rush, still botched a field goal try. The snap went high, the hold was fumbled, freshman kicker Bryan Borreson ran on by without a kick, as the timing was all screwed up? And action stopped.