- The Daily Utah Chronicle

The Chronicle’s View: Campus Gun Issue Missing Student Voice

January 13, 2002

The battle over firearms on campus will hit a high point today as U President Bernie Machen will argue in favor of his no-gun policy in front of the decidedly pro-gun Legislature. Who prevails may take years to sort out, as both lawmakers and Machen have mentioned the possibility of a court proceeding.

A Chance For the Tables to Turn in Utah Politics

January 13, 2002

The last time someone other than Jim Hansen won an election in Utah's 1st Congressional District, the Jazz still played in New Orleans. The Grumpy Old Man's retirement throws open the door for a hungry pack of potential GOP successors. Yet Hansen leaves sizeable shoes to fill.

Discriminatory Tuition Policy Incites Massive Protests at U

January 13, 2002

Activists have descended on the University of Utah in droves after a blatantly discriminatory tuition policy was reported in The Daily Utah Chronicle earlier this week. Protesters from as far away as Alaska and Hawaii have been burning President Bernie Machen in effigy and demanding a removal of the policies or his immediate resignation.

Tico’s VeggieBurger Barn Now a Non-Proud Olympic Sponsor

By By Smitty Van Leeuwen, Comical Olympic Advertising Editor • January 13, 2002

Coca-Cola, Visa and Chevrolet are just a few of the many corporations throughout the world that have ponied up the necessary dinero to become proud sponsors of the Salt Lake 2002 Olympic Winter Games. None of them, however, can quite match the notoriety now associated with Tico's VeggieBurger Barn, which, on Thursday, became the first ever non-proud sponsor in the history of the Games.

Deer Prompt New Killing Club at U

By By Demelze Carne, Comical News Writer • January 13, 2002

Intense weather, parking nightmares and a month-long Olympic break have made Spring Semester "interesting"?but for some students the deer running rampant on campus take the cake. Dozens of deer, and even some moose, have made the U home sweet home. While some students enjoy seeing the cloven beasts, others take a different view.

New Gun Policy Frightens Professor

By By Elvis Faucett, Comical Editor in Chief • January 13, 2002

Professor Ralph Schwartz has a recurring dream of a group of students standing at attention. The one on the far right wears a diabolical smile and says, "here is your course evaluation. Ready, aim, fire." Schwartz wakes up in a cold sweat every night since he heard that state lawmakers plan to repeal the U's no-gun policy.

Career Services Makes Matches

By By Minneau Perish, Comical Old Maid • January 13, 2002

Real-world success is about more than a good job these days. And the U wants to make sure its students are prepared in every way possible. "No one wants to be the old man at the bar. Now we have a fast and efficient way to avoid that fate." said Greg Leatham, a U senior in business.

Group Protests Gay and Lesbian Theatre Class

By By Rupert Fancipants, Comical News Editor • January 13, 2002

To increase diversity-course offerings at the U, the department of theatre is offering a course on the role of gays and lesbians on and behind the stage. But the class is coming under fire from one group. "Most diversity classes are constructed around the basis that minorities play a role in society, a role that gets over looked in other classes, like the African-Americans' role in U.

Machen Willing to Fight for Gun Ban

January 13, 2002

SALT LAKE CITY?University of Utah President Bernie Machen is willing to go to court, if necessary, to defend his school's campus gun ban which defies state law. Pro-gun-rights legislators are demanding that Machen justify the no-gun policy in light of Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff's legal opinion that the ban violates the state's concealed-weapons law.

13-Year-Old Destroys Olympic Cauldron

By By Elvis Faucett, Comical Editor in Chief • January 13, 2002

Little Billy Thomas won't be playing with his friends for a couple weeks. The 13-year-old won't be doing much of anything after he took a rock and destroyed the $2 million Olympic Cauldron that once sat at the south end of Rice-Eccles Stadium. The rock shattered one of the multi-leveled structures' glass walls, and after a few moments the entire cauldron crashed to the ground.