- The Daily Utah Chronicle

Arthur Andersen, Enron and Johnny Cochrane All to Help out the U

By By Mr. Tasty, Comical Opinion Columnist • April 28, 2002

As a result of Utah's slowing economy and just plain slow state Legislature, the U is getting a smaller and smaller portion of the state budget pie every year. The money stream is dwindling faster than Mitt Romney's hair stylist's supply of gel. Budget cuts have gone from reasonable to totally out of hand.

ASUU Creates Developmental Basketball League

By By Biatrice Samsonite, Comical Stringer • April 28, 2002

Frustrated by the dual responsibility of facing a grossly large budget and the loss to the staff of the Daily Utah Chronicle in its annual basketball game, the Associated Students of the University of Utah (ASUU) announced today they would create an inner-office developmental basketball league to help mold budding, young talent into a cohesive unit that actually stands a chance against the Chrony.

Senior Class Gives Casino for Class Gift

By By Demelze Carne, Comical News Writer • April 28, 2002

As seniors prepare to graduate and enter the "real world," they are planning to leave behind their legacy in gift form. While Senior Class President Clara Pugsley has announced a large electronic sign as this year's gift, more is yet to come. The Senior Class Council has $2,700 to donate to the gift, but the huge amount of left over money in the Associated Students of the University of Utah's Executive Cabinet came to a much larger number than originally projected, and will allow for an expansion of the gift.

Dorm Student Caught With A Whole Lot of Beer

By By Elvis Faucett, Comical Editor in Chief • April 28, 2002

Disciplinary actions could threaten the academic standing of one perpetually tipsy U student. Ralph Schwartz was found with 27 empty Coors Light cans in his dorm room this Friday. "They are not mine," Schwartz said. "I?uh?I am holding them for a friend." Dean of Students Stayner Landward says Schwartz is most likely lying, but Schwartz is sticking to his story.

Teenage Charged in Plot for Prom

April 28, 2002

VILLISCA, Iowa?A teen-ager has been charged with administering a dangerous substance after he allegedly plotted to poison the punch at the Villisca High School prom. Robert David Dumler, 15, initially faced a more serious felony charge of terrorism. But Montgomery County Attorney Bruce said Monday that the terrorism charge must involve firing a weapon or the use of an incendiary device.

Ken Starr Named Keynote Speaker

April 28, 2002

SALT LAKE CITY?An opponent of the antitrust suit against Microsoft has protested the selection of former Whitewater special prosecutor Kenneth Starr, now a lobbyist for Microsoft opponents, to keynote Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff's fund-raiser on Wednesday.

Increase Found in Home Remodeling

April 28, 2002

SANDY?A national study finding that Americans are starting to spend more money to fix up their homes?a possible sign the economy is improving?is mirrored in the experience of some Utah remodeling companies. Harvard's Joint Center for Housing Studies found a $2.

Random Encounters: More Interesting People Among Us

April 28, 2002

For the second installment of my "harassing innocent people to ask them dumb questions" series, I decided to hit up my second home, the good old Starbucks on 9th and 9th. Whenever I go there to study, I end up having great conversations with all sorts of cool cats who frequent the place.

Eye Center Only $8M Away From Goal for Building New Facility

April 28, 2002

One year ago, John Moran donated $18 million to the eye center that bears his name. The money was the start of a $36 million total needed to create a new, larger facility. Friday morning center officials announced raised funds had brought them $6.7 million closer to their goal.

Aircraft’s Flight Halted by ‘Suspicious Activity’

April 28, 2002

PHILADELPHIA?The FBI told passengers on a flight forced to return after takeoff that their plane was rerouted because several passengers of Middle Eastern descent had purchased one-way tickets with cash that day, passengers said Monday. In Houston, meanwhile, several staff members from the Saudi Arabian Embassy were detained while trying to board a flight at Bush Intercontinental Airport on Sunday.