Thief Steals Campus Police License Plates

What has he got in his pockets??A thief took the front and rear license plates off of a University of Utah Police Department detective car.

The thief is suspected to have used a ring of invisibility.

Tree crime?In the Chapel Glen area, a Residence Halls Association member saw someone break a small tree by jumping on it. When confronted, the suspect gave the RA a false name and contact information.

?What did some guy jump on last week?? Trees Are The Answer.

Third time?s a charm?A thief took a parking permit from a convertible parked near the Sage Point apartments. This was the second time the victim had been so robbed.

Or the third, if you count how much parking services charged him for the thing. (Audience hoots, hollers and begins chanting.)

Criminal mischief?A tire on a car parked near Sage Point was slashed.

What, just one of the tires? Young people these days, no motivation.

Parking permit theft (#2)?A parking permit was stolen from a car parked near the business buildings.

Doesn?t Parking and Transportation Services track the permit to the vehicle?s license plate? Isn?t this kind of a pointless crime?

Bike theft?Someone stole a bicycle parked west of the chemistry building.

Oh sure, like no one?s ever thought of doing that before.

Radiology theft?Someone stole a CPU from University Hospital?s radiology department.

Bathroom blues?Someone tore a partition separating urinals in a men’s restroom in the Engineering/Mines Classroom Building off the wall.

Someone also damaged a restroom stall door in Gardner Hall, by kicking it or ?body slamming it.?

Police, as well as WWF officials, would like to find the perpetrators.

Take that, Garden!?Someone threw a rock through a window of a tractor located at Red Butte Garden.

Apparently while some vandalizing hooligans were busy raging against the machine, they figured they?d rage against Red Butte Garden. Take that, Garden!

Jogger Threatened?While running on campus, a man was threatened by a vehicle which pulled up next to him. One of the occupants allegedly said, ?We?re gonna blow up your fat a–!?

The runner said someone seemed to throw an indistinguishable object from the vehicle. The runner obtained the car?s license plate number before it drove off.

It?s unclear whether or not the criminal intended to blow up any body part of the jogger other than his a–.

Boring graffiti?Someone chose a building at Sage Point on which to express himself or herself with some ?boring graffiti,? scrawled in magic marker. Police officials identify it as ?kind of an artistic something,? but probably not a gang sign, police officials say.

Just as a precaution, all parents in Sage Point have been encouraged to tell their children they should draw on paper, not walls.

Dr. Who is on the case?Someone tampered with and partially dismantled one of campus police?s emergency phones west of the Union.

To help investigate the crime, a blue police box materialized right next to the emergency phone with a VWORP VWORP sound, out of which stepped a tall, goofy looking man with a huge head of curls and a multi-colored scarf that extended to the ground.

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