Combative Drunk Woman Taken to Hospital and Cited

Vomiting, combative and underage?Police came to a Heritage Plaza room to deal with a woman who’d had too much to drink. The woman was vomiting, combative and underage. EMTs were called and the woman wound up at University Hospital for treatment. She received a minor in possession of alcohol citation.

Bring back prohibition!

Computer crime?Cables securing eight computers in the Heritage Center computer lab were discovered cut. Police suspect this was done in preparation for stealing the computers.

We’d like to take this opportunity to say “Kudos” to the cops who found the guys who stole the Chrony’s computers last February.

Under the influence?Police were dispatched to check on a man who appeared unconscious in his parked car. The officer discovered that, rather, he was under the influence of alcohol. He cited him for the offense.

Dude, if you’re going to pick a place to get drunk, your car is NOT the right one.

The best laid plans??In the Sage Point apartments area, someone secured a bike with a U-type lock through the bike’s front fork. When the bike owner returned, all but the lock and the front fork had been stolen.

Did he really think this would work??A man put on two T-shirts at the University Bookstore and tried to walk out with them. When Bookstore staff stopped him, he took off the shirts and ran. Police caught him west of the Union. They cited him for the offense and released him.

Hey, pal, if you want some free T-shirts, I have a feeling there’s gonna be a huge surplus of “Salt Lake welcomes the world in 2002” shirts available in a couple months.

Theftescope?Two cars in the hospital parking terrace were burglarized. From one, a handbag and clothing were taken. From the other, an MP3 player, books, a wallet and a stethoscope were taken.

Stealing a stethoscope: Excuse me, where are you going to fence this stethoscope, or is it for your personal collection of purloined medical equipment at home?

Anger?Someone sent the art department an angry, threatening voicemail.

Grr! Yeah, stick it to those art guys! They make me mad too!

Fencing the loot?Police detained three men for questioning, operating under the suspicion they had sold stolen books from the University Bookstore.

Which is, of course, kind of a switcheroo on the Bookstore, which specializes in ripping off students.

Clothing theft?Someone stole clothes from a 14th floor dryer in the North Medical Tower.

Pellet gun vandalism??With something like a pellet gun, a vandal shot out three construction lights at the hospital parking terrace.

That sounds like something The Riddler would say, “When is a pellet gun not pellet gun? When it’s something like a pellet gun!”

Last dance of Mary Jane?Police responded to the smell of marijuana coming from a Gateway Heights apartment. They found the resident there, and he admitted to smoking marijuana.

He then asked the cops if they knew of any good places to score some weed.

Recidivism?A man reported burglars had violated his car twice within a five-day period. The first time, clothing was taken; the second time, a travel bag was stolen. Police do not know how the thief got into the car either time.

The Daily Utah Chronicle’s sympathy goes out to this gentleman.

Laser theft?Someone stole a laser pointer from an office in the Moran Eye Center.

That’s cold, man, that’s cold. A man’s laser pointer is his own private castle.

Painkillers?The University Hospital pharmacy reported 18 missing tablets of Percocet (a painkiller).

Painkiller?weren’t they a butt rock band from the ’80s?

E-crime??The University of Utah Police Department received a report of excessive Internet file transfers from a computer on campus. The case is under investigation, operating under the concern of illegality in the transferred files.

Just like “The Net!” We’re through the looking glass here, people?

Shoes have souls?A student parked his car in the West Stadium lot to go to class. When he returned, he saw someone had kicked his car’s side in, leaving a very large dent and a foot print.

The cops came to “dust for prints” so they could track down the shoes, or the wearer rather. The shoes are innocent, because shoes have souls.

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