Letter to the Editor: Winning Votes With Food

By Blake Niederhauser, Senior, Biology


“Vote for me!” “Vote for me!”

What kind of election would it have been without free bagels and foosball?

I have to admit, as I was walking to class with “Sweet Child of Mine,” the greatest epic song of all butt rock existence, blaring from a party kiosk, I thought, “Wow, I should vote for them.”

Honestly now, how good are we getting at collecting votes and derisory is our realizable influence? Candidates realize that stickers and hoopla get more votes than common sense and experience.

Unfortunately for the sensible-minded, seeing that the tents and port-o-hoop were gathering large crowds, the other party decided to stoop down as well?but with a creative twist of their own?doughnuts.

With a couple grand to blow on campaigning, maybe a better strategy would have been to scour the library offering $2 to anyone who would open up Explorer and vote for them.

With only a thousand or two voting, there’s a guaranteed win?and you didn’t even have to come up with a catchy logo, print stickers or buy bagels (most butt rock can be bought on cassette for a couple bucks). Maybe shaving your head or growing a mullet could buy a few of the Kearns commuters’ votes.

Although I don’t know who won, I don’t know if I care much as long as I got a free breakfast for a couple days.

Now that I voted you into office, can I have another bagel?

Blake Niederhauser, Senior, Biology