Elmo Makes ‘America’s Bravest’

By By Cliff Cavort and By Cliff Cavort

By Cliff Cavort

Disclaimer: The following article is published as part of our annual satirical April Fool’s Day issue. Please don’t believe any of it, and please don’t sue us. Thanks.

NEW YORK-A picture of Elmo from public television’s “Sesame Street” somehow made it into an MSNBC “America’s Bravest” television spot yesterday. The segment, which features a wall reserved for photographs of men and women serving in America’s armed forces, showed a snapshot of the bug-eyed, red muppet.

“This is Pfc. Elmo Krautkiller from Akron, Ohio,” MSNBC anchor Natalie Morales said with a straight face. “The picture was sent by Elmo’s wife, Babs, who writes that Elmo is a combat engineer serving in the U.S. Army’s 3rd Infantry Division, who ‘likes to play’ and make pictures using elbow macaroni and glitter. She says Elmo would like to send the message of ‘Hey, that tickles’ to all Americans.”

“Sesame Street” last made international news when protest signs showed pictures of Bert alongside the image of Osama bin Laden at anti-American demonstrations in Nigeria. MSNBC producers suspect either a smart-ass, 15-year-old from White Plains, New York or 3-year-old Gabriela Ruiz from Albuquerque who claimed “Elmo my he-wo and weal to me.”