Being the cool and ultrapopular person that I happen to be, I spent last Friday night perusing the Internet attempting to learn about residency in the state of Utah.
Wow, I might be the lamest person on the face of the planet.
In all honesty, I was just filling the time until Captain Cocktail arrived to take me away.
I’m not sure exactly why I felt the need to look at these requirements considering that I am already a resident, but I was suddenly astonished at how difficult it is to be welcomed into the Beehive State as “one of us.”
In case you didn’t know (which you probably don’t, considering the vast majority of us are automatic Utah residents), to be considered a resident for tuition purpose in this state requires nothing short of hard labor.
By hard labor, I mean two years of living here, paying taxes and getting a brand new driver’s license.
This probably doesn’t sound so bad, right? Well, compare Utah’s residency requirements with those of the most popular state for college attendance-California.
California’s requirements also involve a two-year commitment, in which time the student has to acquire a California address, as well as in-state car and voter registration.
You can even achieve residency in one year in California if you’re willing to become legally emancipated from your parents. Legal emancipation involves total self-sufficiency. This means that you would be living on decade old Top Ramen for the better part of 12 months. You may also have to find some sort of gig to pay for your share of rent.
I do have a point here, other than that residency is hard to get.
I am calling for a complete nationalization of college.
Before you denounce me as a radical socialist, think about it. Think about how much in-state tuition costs you. At the U, it’s around $1,500 a semester for classes per in-state student. Not too bad. Now think about out-of state tuition-closer to $9,000 a semester.
Where does this money go?
It’s definitely not funding the College Readership Program.
Granted, I’m guilty of wanting to leave. I really thought that marrying my friend Matt was a practical way to get residency in order to attend the University of Florida. Luckily, my parents, friends, boyfriend and health insurance didn’t agree.
What could possibly be lost by a coalition of state colleges, other than blatant and greedy capitalistic impulses? By coalition, I’m not talking Western Interstate Commission for Higher Education or any other association. I’m asking for a total cooperation of state colleges to come up with one flat rate for all students.
This would solve a lot of problems. If all state universities were the same price, they’d have to find something new to pitch to students, like better programs, super-qualified teachers and more job opportunities. You know that theory-competition creates a better product? If colleges had to compete nationally on that much grander a scale, imagine the results.
Greater state-to-state mobility would promote diversity. People from one background could easily experience another set of cultural values and geography. Students of all different colors could mingle freely from state to state. Those stringent hatreds between north and south would be resolved over a double-shot latt at a Starbucks in North Dakota. Discourse between every sect would be open as it has never been open before.
Just slap an idealist sign on me and call me Karl Marx.
Or you can call me Anna, I’ll answer to either.
In closing, let me pitch one more idea. Utah is a fairly unpopulated state and the schools here are really trying to forge a national reputation. So why must the state make it so hard for people to attend college here? California can afford to make it harder for people to achieve residency just on the basis that so many people want to go to school there. But Utah? I don’t see a national line of students angrily pushing their way onto this idyllic little campus.
Or maybe I just haven’t been paying attention. After all, we do have fry sauce and Jell-O.